I have had some bad days lately. I am not a virgin griever. I had a hard time when my son died and again when each of my parents passed. It's not supposed to be easy when you care about the person that has gone on to a different world. Time really is the only thing that will make things "normal" again.
I have been in a cocoon of sadness, coming out to do what is absolutely necessary, then waiting for the day to end so I can go to bed in solitude. Well, I am never alone with four dogs watching my every move. HeWho falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow and if I entertained thoughts of talking to him with out his hearing aids, I would do just as well to talk to myself. I often do. Sleep does not come easy and when it finally does, I am plagued with disturbing dreams.
I try to remember the dreams, but most of them escape the moment my eyes open, leaving me feeling troubled. Just a vague sense of foreboding, making me wonder when the next tragedy will hit.
I mowed a lot yesterday and my joints ached all night last night. We went to bed early at 8 and I was so drowsy and so hoping I would drift off into a peaceful sleep. That didn't happen,
Time to count my blessings. I have many and I do appreciate them, I am just going to be sad for awhile.
The park is overbooked for Memorial Day. Not to worry, I will play with the reservations and come up with a solution, I always do. Someone is bound to cancel on me at the last minute. I have quite a few guys working in the area staying here and I can always offer some compensation for them pulling off site for the weekend, as they will most likely go home for the holiday.
In the meantime we are prepping the pool to be painted. When I say "we" you can exclude me as I only offer encouragement. I will be painting the pool loungers and repairing any splintery wood. That is easy enough to do as I like to paint.
The grass keeps growing and I keep mowing. I have always rather enjoyed mowing. The noise would prevent me from hearing my kids complain about each other as I waved and smiled at them, knowing how much that would irritate them.
Nowadays, it is the dogs I wave at .... to get out of the path I am mowing. Mr. BoJangles does not appreciate my efforts and cowers near the door while the remaining three canines follow me faithfully, hoping I will disturb a frog they can play with. Bo managed to make it inside while I mowed yesterday. He barked and snarled through the screen door. Then, when I stopped the mower and opened the door, he ran at the mower, hackles in the air and proceeded to challenge the machine. He was pretty intent on establishing his superiority over the mower. I thought about sneaking over and starting it up, but decided that would be mean. Better to let him think he is the reason the machine was silent.
Bo is quite the entertainer.