Thursday, October 31, 2019

Home, Day Two

I collected my husband from the hospital yesterday around noon. I am wondering if it was easier to have him in the hospital and visit, or here and wait on him and control his actions!

While I was in town picking up his new prescriptions, he picked up the dogs! The instructions say nothing over 5 lbs. None of our babies weigh less than 5 lbs. 

My new challenge is to feed a man who applies salt to his entire plate of food before even tasting, something palatable without salt. Mrs. Dash came home with the skim milk and shredded wheat. He hates oatmeal. His idea of oatmeal is a Little Debbie cake. I did get the shredded wheat with frosting. He wants steak for dinner. I will give him steak, but he is not going to be excited for any more steak. His baked potato will be equally bland. Any ideas will be greatly appreciated.

No more smoking. I bought a good supply of jolly ranchers and chewing gum. Too bad he can't have a pacifier!

The new prescriptions have been doled out in the pill taker and the discontinued ones put back in the bottles. The kitchen has been cleaned out and all the food he loves has been redistributed or tossed. I will just eat whatever he eats. Can't hurt, might even be good for me. He lost 12 lbs. during his stay. I think I might have dropped 2 lbs.

He is still very weak and it makes me nervous to leave him for an extended period of time. I am afraid he will fall or trip over the crazy cat. I feel like I have a newborn, except that he can get up at will.

Kevin gave me the store phone yesterday. He was happy to hand it over. I am back 100% now. Just trying to acclimate to my new normal. Thanks to all of you for the prayers and good thoughts. I have been surrounded with so many wonderful people throughout this event. 

Blogger buddy Linda, of Write From The Heart fame hunted me down at the hospital during the surgical procedure. She was afraid I might be alone. I am blessed to have so many people in my life! I had my son, Jeff and Drew's cousin (more like a little sister), Doris and her husband Kevin with me. Kampers Terry and Sharon, and Craig and Cheryl with me until the surgery was over.

Now that we are home I have a park full of help at my disposal! I am looking forward to a nice day tomorrow that will not be spent in a vehicle running errands!!

Sunday, October 27, 2019

HeWho Had A Heart Attack, Part Two

After resting fitfully in my own bed and comforting my dogs (Toni Louise searched for her master and after circling atop his pillow many, many times finally settled on that same pillow and slept.), I arose and showered and headed back to the hospital.

About the hospital …. why he chose to head east instead of west to Columbia, a mere 40 minutes away is still a mystery to me. Instead he ended up in St. Charles, 63 miles from home. A pretty straight shot on the interstate, but Columbia is so much closer. I suppose he was so used to taking Kevin that he just automatically headed that way.

I am well familiar with the route to the hospital now. With my youngest daughter here, I don't even have to think. She is my rock. I can just sit back and let her make all the decisions for me. She made sure I ate and that I had everything I needed. Always there to shove me up when I would want to just slither to the floor and bawl my eyes out. My girl is in charge!

I am sitting here in the hospital with my feet on his bed while we wait. The Halloween event is happening without me. I know I could have cancelled, but I had promoted it and built all those props. I have more help than I know what to do with and everything is under control.

He is still in ICU. Surgery was scheduled for Monday. A triple by-pass. He is feeling a lot better. All episodes of chest pain have diminished and he is no longer on morphine. Just nitroglycerin and Heparin drips going. The pump that was helping oxygenate and move his blood through his heart has been removed and he can get up with assistance.

My daughter and her family have gone home and my son will be here tonight. The sister of HeWho and her husband have come and gone, as well. His cousin will be here tomorrow. I am not alone! Even if there was no family here, I would not be alone. My Kamper family has been taking good care of me.

The initial cardiologist came in and talked to us and drew a diagram of the major arteries to show us just how damaged they were. It was an impressive amount of blockage, most in the 90% range. I could understand how an angioplasty was not a good option. Not only were there a lot of blockages illustrated, but he described the "good" portions as being filled with a lot of "junk". I told him it was sausage biscuit gravy from McDonald's. He was amazed horrified to know what his diet is like. Add the cigarettes and the man was a walking heart attack anyway.

Now he has spoken to the surgeons without his wife and he has been removed from the surgical schedule in favor of another attempt for angioplasty. I have mixed feelings about this. Recovery will be so much easier and quicker, but I am not convinced this is a good and lasting solution.

If the attempt is not successful, he will have to wait to be placed on the surgical schedule again and then still have the bypass. Well, unless they damage the arterial wall with the attempt and then he will have an emergency bypass.

I hate that I know all this. I can't just blindly trust the surgeon. I am waiting to voice my concerns. My sweet son is here and I am so happy to see him!! 

Saturday, October 26, 2019

HeWho Had A Heart Attack

My journey south started with gray skies and drizzling rain. I am not a fan of driving in the rain, but I was determined! Google maps had a route that would shave an hour off the trip, so I opted for that and came down 52 through Rochester. Not the best road I have ever been on, but not the worst either. Some only two lanes. Everything was okay until I hit Missouri, County Road H and was so deep in the backwoods that I lost the satellite signal. 

While driving, I knew I had to call home to let the kampers know everything I knew so far. When I stopped for fuel, proving to the world that I really do know how to put gas in my car (only if I have to!), I called Kamper Cheryl and asked her to be the Kampground spokes person. I was hoping to avoid calls. I do not like to talk on my phone while driving. I do, because the store phone is always forwarded to mine. I will note the time of the call for a reservation and tell them I will call them when I stop to actually make the reservation.

I won't even try to read a text. My problem with answering calls this day was my state of mind, mostly. Add the rain noise and the bad road noise and I could not hear well. And talking to close friends and family made me cry and my glasses would fog up and then I couldn't see. I may have been speeding, too.

I never want to make a trip like that again! With very little sleep the night before, I was worried I might get sleepy while driving. I didn't. I don't know if it was the two lane roads with sudden 25 mph curves or the adrenalin pumping through my veins.

I could not tolerate the radio, couldn't concentrate on a book and the ring of the phone made me jump. All I could think about was the doctor telling me that my husband was a very sick man. So I drove on bargaining with God and reminding myself to relax my grip on the steering wheel and unclench my jaw. I only stopped for fuel and bathroom breaks. I had no desire to eat and only did because my stomach hurt from my morning pills.

After losing the signal on my phone, I discovered that if I were to continue straight, as instructed, I would be in a corn field. Good thing I have a fairly decent sense of direction and knew that I could turn south on 19 and find my way home!

I am certain I could have driven myself to the hospital, what with my adrenalin overload. I just didn't have any saliva in my mouth! Adrenalin does that, sucks up all the fluids in your body. Terror will do that, as well. Kampers, Craig and Cheryl, drove me, while Kevin manned the office.

He looked awful to me. His pallor was not good and he looked so pitiful with all the tubes and monitors around him. With the pump attacked to his artery in his groin, he could not move his left leg, could not raise his head or his left arm. I didn't cry, but I wanted to. He was all chipper, telling me that he was having surgery on Thursday and would be home Friday and could man a golfcart to take people on a ride through our spooky trail.

Yeah, that did not happen, but the morphine made him happy. My daughter was several hours behind me and coming straight to the hospital after checking into a hotel nearby. I could have stayed with her family, but I really needed the comfort of my bed and my dogs. They knew something was wrong. They always know things, my dogs. We all needed a good night's sleep after finally being able to see him.

Friday, October 25, 2019

HeWho Is Stubborn, Part Two

Finally on the road, zipping along I-70, west bound with medium traffic, it started raining. First a drizzle, then intermittent showers had me slowing down. But, still, I was not so far behind that darkness would fall with me still on the road.

The rain subsided and it was overcast until I was approaching I-35. I fueled up my vehicle and continued my journey until my bladder complained. Since I had stopped to take care of business, I called home to report my progress.

HeWho never sleeps past 10 am was still in bed! Said he was not feeling well, more indigestion. No, he had not eaten, he had not felt like leaving the bed. I told him he had to at least go to clinic to get his BP taken and see the nurse practitioner. He promised he would. I didn't believe him.

I almost turned around and went back home. I called Kevin (aka my wife) and told him to use his key to the store and go in to our bedroom and be a bully and make my husband get out of the bed and dress and go see about this indigestion. He did just that. The clinic had a long line of potential sick people, so they drove to the ER. When I say "they" drove, I mean that HeWho drove himself to the ER with Kevin riding shotgun.

That "indigestion" and shoulder pain I spoke of earlier was a major heart attack. Upon my arrival to my destination, I called. He nonchalantly told me that he was being admitted, that he had had a heart attack. I told him I was coming back and he said, "Why, the heart attack was last night, it's over now." He encouraged me to stay and enjoy myself, that he would call me when he knew more!

Enjoy myself, indeed. Kevin had told the nurse that he was the brother of HeWho and that he would be staying with him. I suppose telling them that he was my honorary wife would only have confused the situation! Kevin is our good friend and lives here in the kampground, along with a lot of other good friends. Kevin was up-dating me as things progressed until he was picked up and came home.

I was tired from the trip and worried, knowing that they were whisking my husband in for an angiogram and possibly some stents to open any blockages that were blocking his blood flow. I had already decided that I would drive home the next morning as I went off to bed.

The Cardiologist called me around 10:30 and spoke to me about my husband. He explained that the angiogram was over and that he was not a candidate for stents. There was "too much damage, too  many blockages. You need to understand that he is a very sick man" I almost quipped that he did not know the half of it! I tend to say inappropriate things when I am terrified.

The cardiologist was concerned about his oxygen blood level. He said it was dangerously low and that they had installed a "balloon" pump to literally blow his blood through his heart in an effort to help oxygenate the blood. He told me that if his oxygen level did not rise he would be put on a ventilator.

I contemplated leaving that moment to get to the hospital. I woke my daughter and she crawled into bed with me and we cried together and called her siblings. It was a long night. I dozed on and off after she returned to her bed, leaving her little dog Max to comfort me. Max loves his Gramma, he knows that I am the one who snatched him from the cardboard box of puppies that were shelter bound. Animals know animal lovers.

After gulping coffee and saying goodbye to my kid and her kid, I was once again on the road. Google Maps claimed a quicker way home, promising to shave an hour off the time and I was game. 

This is just beginning, stay tuned.

Thursday, October 24, 2019

HeWho Is Stubborn

I was scheduled to head north, to Minnesota early Monday morning. We all know what happens to the best laid plans.

I loaded the car, laid out my clothes, had already stocked the freezer with healthier options than fast food for HeWho loves nothing more than food that is bad for him.

Went to bed early, hoping for a good night's sleep before my marathon drive. I wanted to be sure to get to my destination before dark. I am not a good night driver, especially in heavy traffic on roads I don't regularly navigate.

HeWho is the love of my life, joined me and the dogs for an early sleep. I was just about to succumb to slumber when he sat up in bed rubbing his shoulder. I woke and looked over at him. He was grimacing and when I interrogated asked him what was wrong, he said he must have hurt his shoulder and that he had indigestion. I told him where the Tums were located and he left to take advantage of the relief he was looking for.

I snuggled down in my covers with my loyal canine companions, prepared to resume my quest for sleep. He returned and continued to bounce around in the bed as he rubbed his sternum. I suggested a trip to the ER and was met with much resistance. He claimed it was "just" indigestion.

This went on for quite some time. He could not lay still and would not let me take him to the ER. He was downright mean about it. That annoyed me and caused me to worry. I slept a bit, but woke at 6:30 minutes before the alarm was set to start my day. I let the dogs out, started coffee and jumped in the shower. After dressing I went to let the dogs in ….

...and the day went down the drain from there on. I did not realize that the storm overnight had blown the gate wide open. All three dogs were on the lam, having successfully breached their perimeter. I was exceedingly annoyed until I heard the big diesel trucks of the workers in our parks start up, the fear gripped my heart. My little dogs are so sheltered form the perils of the world. I could just see them crushed under big wheels. I launched a search and found Toni Louise patiently waiting at the front door.

She did not respond when asked where he partners in crime were. I called out their names, adding "TREAT" to encourage their return. I left the gate open in case they had planned to nonchalantly saunter back in and approach the back door as if they had been there all along.

After 15 minutes, I woke the sleeping man who had kept me awake with his "indigestion". He went out with the truck and flashlight and I went the other direction. We finally found them, heading toward the open gate and I gathered up Cujo while HeWho scooped Eddie up. 

I interrogated asked the man with "indigestion" how he was feeling. He assured me that he was fine, just wanted to sleep a bit longer. Not that unusual. It was just beginning to get light. The thought of more sleep was appealing to me, too.
I finished tucking the last of my stuff into my car and came back in and lifted the dogs into the bed to prevent the howling that occurs when I leave them.

I kissed the scruffy cheek of my beloved and asked, once again, if he was okay. He insisted that he was and told me to enjoy my time away with our children. I left, still a bit worried.

I made it out of the driveway and not very far down the road when I realized I had no phone. I turned around, annoyed at myself and went back to find my phone.  

I finally left, an hour later than I had planned for. 

To be continued ...

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Oatmeal ..... Who Knew?

You all know Toni Louise. Our sweet girl is an adventurer. She is always looking for an opportunity to escape and explore. This has gotten her into some bad situations in the past. As a young girl she was hit by a dump truck and underwent emergency surgery to repair her hip.

She has calmed down a lot as she has matured. She is the alpha dog of my small pack and does not take crap from anyone. Except, maybe me.

Eddie, the charmer likes to be in her good graces. The only thing he is opposed to is Toni in my lap. This happens occasionally. Here is Eddie trying to make nice with her.

She rebuffed his efforts today. She has had a stressful day.

That face says it all. She is telling her master all her woes. I gave her quite a hair trim. I actually buzzed it off. She usually sports a long coat and sheds like crazy. I did not cut her hair because she is shedding.

She has some "hot spots" on her back near her tail. She was miserable and I couldn't get to the problem with all that fur in the way. I looked up some remedies and learned that oatmeal brings instant relief. I ground it in the coffee mill and made a paste.

I decided she would need a nice soothing bath before I slathered it on. While I was getting everything ready, I applied it and she stopped scratching immediately. She did lick it off … and eat it.

Toni is not a fan of the bath. She will leap from the tub and shake at every opportunity. Today, the phone rang three times during the bath time adventures. It was not fun for me either.

The only good thing was that she was a lot easier to dry without all that fur. The oatmeal paste has provided much relief for her today.

The doxies were jealous and are giving me the cold shoulder. They love a good bath, but after bathing Toni Louise my back was killing me. The store got busy as I finished and I yanked off the wet shirt and replace it with another. I looked at myself awhile ago and I bet everyone is wondering if HeWho dressed me. My attire does not match in any way.

Thinking about the "hot spots" that plague my sweet girl, I think it is my fault. I used a new dog shampoo last time I bathed her. I was in a hurry to be done and I probably failed to get all the shampoo out of her fur when I rinsed her. Easy to do, but I still feel bad about it. She was thoroughly rinsed today and I used the conditioner, as well. She smells wonderful and her short fur is super soft now. Except for the hair around the hot spots, it is stiff with oatmeal.

I noticed Cujo nibbled some of the oatmeal from Toni's back while she slept. Not only is she the leader of the pack, she provides snacks, too!

Monday, October 14, 2019

99.9 % Of The Time

I don't often make mistakes, but when I do, I like to brag about them. 

Today is Columbus Day, I think. This is one of those holidays that are just inconvenient. The mail does not run and the banks are not open. School is out, but that does not really bother me, as I have no intention of venturing out into the world. I would be willing to bet that most people under 30 have no idea who Columbus is and why he deserves a day of recognition.

Anyhoo, the phone woke me. It was McDonalds. They need change. I always have an abundance of quarters and ones, so I don't mind selling them. But, as we all should know by now, I am not pleasant until I have had some coffee and a few minutes of quiet to start the day. I don't paper roll my coins, since the bank prefers that you don't. This created a conundrum for them, as they wanted 10 rolls of quarters. When I told her they were not rolled, she said she would get rolls.

In an effort to help me and shield the world from my morning crabbiness, HeWho frequents McDonalds, was counting out the quarters. That was fine and he was being helpful. But his solution was to grab 10 of my quart ziplock bags and proceed to count out $10 per bag. "What are you doing?" asks the crabby wife. "Why are you using up all my bags?" Why, indeed! 

First of all, why use the quart size when there are smaller bags (snack size) in the same cabinet right next to the box he pulled them from? I suppose I should just be happy he didn't use the gallon size. When I asked why he was using 10 bags, he was making it easier for her to put them in rolls. Such a nice guy, that one. I suggested he put all the quarters in ONE bag and not give away all my bags, lest I need them for my own use, She will be counting them anyway.

So, you might be wondering what mistake I referred to making that I seemed to be so happy to share … I am getting there, just wanted to share my morning annoyance. Yesterday I was charting out the parking arrangements for the last two weekends of this month. Things were going smoothly until I noticed a reservation with no name!!

All the required information was there, credit card info, electric requirements and even the phone number, just no name. I did it, it was my handwriting. HeWho is not allowed to answer the phone or make reservations cannot be blamed. It was me. So, I made a note to myself to call the number I carefully recorded. No, that is wrong, the entire entry was scribbled. Means I was distracted by something at the time.

Before I could call the number, the number called me! She was just verifying her reservation. Of course I could not find her name, so I asked what kind of site she would need and put her name down. Since I had obviously made a mistake, I did not ask for her credit card info again, just her phone number.

I started laughing and shared with her what had happened. It should make all of you happy to know that I am not always right. Just 99.9% of the time.

Sunday, October 13, 2019


Just a little dose of Charming Eddie. Who could not love that sweet little face? Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with love for my little Eddie.

Most of my Halloween d├ęcor withstood the storms and wind. I half expected it all to have blown away. The wind was wicked.

I captured a sweet moment between father and child. I am in charge of props here at the park. This, my friend, is mild compared to what I have going on for the ride through Spooky Trail.

HeWho likes to spend money goes for the big stuff. Like this lonely display that is dwarfed by the huge field in front of the pool. Now I will have to decorate the fence behind him. As soon as the men collect my hay bales and corn stalks I will be building some substantial scarecrows.

In the meantime, I will continue with my cheap jack-o-lanterns from the Dollar Tree. They can be painted. They can be carved, as well. You can also split them in half and mount them on a board, making twice as many scary faces to display.

I have built my burning coals and charred bones, my construction guy with his body sawed in half and guts looping out. We have a chainsaw to go with that display .... and lots of blood!

A scary clown jack in the box is under construction and there will be some dead bodies involved. Body bags and body parts. A witch stirring her cauldron and scary sounds filling the air that will be foggy. More pictures after I scare some folks!

Friday, October 11, 2019

A Piece Of Quiet

Must be something in the air, but I have awakened every day this week with a dull headache. The headache subsides after I take my Zyrtec and squeeze Flonase up my nose.

The Flonase tastes nasty and I don't like to ruin my morning coffee. Rituals, we all have them. I like peace and quiet in the morning. This is why I let sleeping dogs sleep. Yes, I am referring to HeWho normally sleeps longer than I do. He is loud. He stomps around getting dressed and will tend to follow me into whatever room I end up in. He sniffs and snorts and bangs things around as he readies for the trip to McDonalds and the tow shop. He spends his mornings eating and gossiping with his cronies. 

Why he has to bang things around and make so much noise is a mystery to me. The noise is intensified because my head is hurting. The sound of the ice hitting his stainless steel cup and then the glugging sound of the ever present Diet Coke filling the cup makes me want to scream. 

If I ask him to be quiet ….. it just gets worse. He either doesn't hear me, or is so accustomed to saying "what" and I have to repeat myself (sometimes twice). He will then exclaim that I am in a bad mood or ask what is wrong with me. He claims not to be making any unusual noise. You know, like closing doors without considering that they will bang shut. Or … dragging what appears to be $40 in change across the top of the wood stove to shove into his pocket. It never makes it to the pocket without some falling to the floor, resulting in loud grunts as he bends to pick it up.

The ring tone on his phone can be heard throughout the park and when he answers, he has the volume so high that I can hear both sides of the conversation. When he is finally making his exit, he always asks if I want anything from McDonalds. Sometimes I do. If it is a hot day and I know I will be mowing, an iced coffee is great. But I usually want nothing from McDonalds. Like when my head is about to explode. Like today.

He has left the building and peace and quiet reign supreme in my tiny dwelling. The dogs know when my head hurts. They are sleeping peacefully at my side. Martha, the boy cat has removed himself to my bed to sleep the day away after a night of roaming. The Flonase is working and I will be able to withstand the noise of the day. Thinking about the days when children inhabited my every moment. My baby girl would raise her voice above those of her siblings and tell them all to "SHUT UP! Mommy needs a piece of quiet!!" 

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

I Mind ....

After venting yesterday, I searched endlessly for a comparable witch dress and found none that were not at least twice as expensive. The company wanting to expedite things did not answer my reply, if they even read it.

I will just claw my way through all the stuff that gets stowed away in my sewing room and make something. I really don't want to, but we don't always get what we want, now, do we?

During my stroll through numerous sites, I answered many phone calls. My "last chance" to have my student loans taken care of has apparently slipped by once again. And three other calls from hotels telling me that I am to be considered one of their premium customers and they would like to reward me with a free vacation. And customers calling to make reservations. We are unusually busy for this time of year.

My favorite calls for reservations are those people who know what they are doing. They give me the specifics and I check to see if I can accommodate them and they are ready with a credit card to complete the transaction. Then there are those who want to ask me a dozen questions and then when I tell them I can give them what they want, they tell me they have to check with the rest of the people coming and get back to me. These calls will gobble up a big portion of my day. All of the questions can usually be answered from the web site and leave me in a somewhat foul mood, having been interrupted for up to 30 minutes sometimes. No, I am not kidding.

Let's not forget those who want to make a reservation and then want me to get a calendar so they can decide the dates they want. They seem to want to include me and my recommendations about their outing, acting like my opinion matters. When the time finally arrives to put the event on paper, so to speak, they have to go hunt down a credit card. Maybe I need to take advantage of my premium status at the Marriot and have a vacation my self.

But, there are times when I get a call that is unique and note worthy. That honor goes to the man who called me yesterday. He knew what he wanted and gave me the date and his particulars with no prompting. When I told him I needed a credit card, he told me it would take a second to get it out of his wallet BECAUSE HE WAS DRIVING. I suggested that he call me back when he reached a stopping point, that I would be okay to wait for that information. "Oh, it's okay, I don't mind," says the driver, "I do this all the time."

Before I could harness my tongue, I said, "Well, perhaps you should reconsider this habit, as I am sure the other drivers on the road might mind." He thought this was funny. I can be funny. I wasn't being funny. He could have an accident and even kill someone because he thinks it is cool to handle phone business while driving. I mind. 

Monday, October 7, 2019

On-Line Shopping Is Annoying

I am back!! Me, the annoyed with the world crabby woman you all love to read! I just needed a catalyst and today I got one!

I should be in my craft room drawing a Halloween scene as requested by HeWho took his wife out yesterday for dinner and shopping. I should be enjoying the excellent weather and deadheading plants while collecting seeds. I should be doing laundry, a task I enjoy.

It all started this morning when, while perusing Pinterest for a suitable image to portray a happy seasonal image for a banner, I happened upon an advertisement that had Halloween merchandise. Lacking a formidable witch costume for myself I noted that this particular site had some inexpensive dresses that would fill the bill. I meandered through the on-line store and chose some things and then saw that if I purchased $45, I would be eligible for free shipping. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I acquired $48 worth of stuff I don't need items to enhance the coming holiday event.

Lest you think me to be unfamiliar with on-line shopping, I can tell you that I shop on-line quite frequently, being tethered to my business, as I am. I went through the process and eliminated one item that I had considered, until I saw a much cheaper alternative. It is a costume, not a ball gown, after all. On to the next step, I entered the required information about shipping and noted that the shipping method defaulted to expedited shipping. I changed it to standard shipping which was free, due to the amount of merchandise I was ordering.

I entered the shipping address and the billing address and saw that the shipping method had defaulted back to expedited shipping in the amount of $30.64 again. There is no way I would pay that for shipping, even if I wanted it to be expedited. I changed it again and then went on the payment step. 

After I put the payment method in and almost hit the button that would give them permission to take that money out of my account, I noted that the shipping method had defaulted again! When I tried to get back to the shipping method, It would not let me. My only option was to pay for the merchandise. Well, anyone who knows me, know I was not paying that shipping fee.

I opted for customer service. This proved to be equally dismal to navigate. I only want to change the shipping method. I went back to the original site. My shopping basket was now empty!!!!! There is a phone number to call for customer service, but I know I will need the order #. It has vanished, along with the items in the shopping basket.

I am so annoyed now. I call the number. A woman answers and I know right away that English is not her first language. I take a deep breath and explain that all I want to do is to change the shipping method. No, I do not have the order #, it is waiting out there in the inner bowels of the internet and I can't seem to retrieve it. 

I suggest that she try to access the order with my e-mail address and my name. She tells me that she can e-mail me if I want. WHAT! No, I do not want too exchange e-mails with you, I just want to change the shipping method. I tell her what happened with the order. I speak slowly and use common terms and all the while I am onto her. She has no clue how to change it either. I switch over to my e-mail and find that the billing department has sent an e-mail to me. They want me to know that I cannot receive my order until I authorize payment. But, it includes a summary of the order, along with my order#.

Thinking that if I have the magic number, the CUSTOMER SERVICE representative can simply change the shipping method and all will be well in the world. I was wrong. After I give her the number she carefully parrots the shipping info to me and tells me that if I want free shipping, I will need to order at least $45 (in US currency) worth of merchandise. I point out to her that I did and she tells me that my total is $80.01. I want to scream at this point and I did raise my voice. I asked if there was anyone there who spoke my language and she informed me that only customer service representatives were allowed to help customers. She went on to say that I could wait 24 hours for someone else to e-mail me. I told her to cancel the order.

I have already spent too much time trying to change the shipping method to the free shipping you so boldly advertise. Your website automatically chooses expedited shipping in the amount of $30.64. I changed it twice while still on that step. It defaulted back and I happened to catch it before I gave you the permission to apply that amount to my credit card. Your website did not allow me to go back and change the shipping method.

 I called your support number and was treated to a most annoying conversation with someone who barely understands my language. Talking to her was even more frustrating than trying to navigate your website. You may be wondering if I am still interested in the merchandise I ordered. As much as I would like to complete that order and anticipate the arrival of the items I chose, I will not be placing the order. I will not be placing ANY orders in the future.

Your support center suggested that I wait 24 hours and then try to place the order, never addressing the shipping method at all. I speak clearly and enunciate my words well, but failed to make her understand what I was calling for. Your customer service is appalling.

I did respond to the e-mail. Not that it will do any good. I have calmed down now that I have vented. I suppose I could cook a nice meal, but my creativity seems to have gone the route of that shipping method. I did use the almost brown bananas and made a nice banana pudding this morning. Perhaps we will just have that as the main course. Which wine shall I pour with that?