I Am A Food Critic

So yesterday I told you about my Christmas dinner fail. Not the only substandard meal of late ... read on.

The last night of our stay in our new home before heading back to our current lives happened to be our wedding anniversary. Forty-eight years of wedded bliss. Well, it has not been boring at any rate and I wouldn't have it any other way.

HeWho loves me wanted to take me out to dinner. You know, in a restaurant without tiny dogs begging to taste my food. He consulted his current girfriend, Siri, for suggestions and we settled on Daniel's Steakhouse in Hiawassee, Ga. Not too far away.

I had read reviews for local eateries on line while exploring my new surroundings long distance via the internet and it sounded like a decent choice. The prices were reasonable and they had fish, as well. I love fish, so off we went leaving Eddie in charge. It was, after all, his turn.

Still finding our way around, we depend on Siri's superior navigating skills. As we approached the establishment, I noted the full parking lot. This is usually a good sign that the food is good ... or plentiful.

Upon entry I noticed the portraits of Rhett and Scarlett and the period furnishings. Lots of gray haired patrons scurried to and fro with plates of food, clogging the entryway with those having completed their meals and looking to pay. Two easles displayed white boards with the day's special and the contents of the buffet. Hard to read with all the traffic. No hostess, but no sign telling you to seat yourself either. Two cashiers were dealing with those paying for meals, but even when they completed that task they ignored us and talked amoung themselves. Southern hospitality? Not really.

HeWho was intent on food spied an empty booth in the dining room to our left and we planted ourselves in it. A waitress appeared, asked about our beverage choices and then shooed us to the buffet. No offer of a menu.

The buffet had the obligatory iceburg lettuce salad and toppings. Why do they have sliced canned peaches? I have always wondered that. Do people actually douse their salad with peaches? Then the vegetables which were being replenished, straight for the industrial sized cans. Yum! They had baked fish, fried fish, fried shrimp and fried chicken. I think it just might be against the law in the south to exclude fried chicken from a buffet line.

As the progress of the line continued, we were faced with a table holding four big boxes of plastic gloves with instructions to use them while serving yourself. The giant ones that are supposed to be one size fits all. All the oldsters in line were stuffing their hands obediently into the gloves. No masks in sight, but gloves were being put on without any objections. We complied, of course, we are not rebels with a cause. I noted a sign that absolved the establishment of any liability should you contract the corona virus here. Made me think of the signs around my pool advising you to swim at your own risk. Just a deterent to those looking to make a buck in a lawsuit that would blame you for their own stupidity. Won't stop them if they are determined to sue, though. The great American tradition of suing one another.

Everytime we eat "out" I worry about the sodium content of the food. Southern food is known for "seasoning". Salt makes everything taste better and the "less is more" concept is not a southern one.

I needn't have worried. Bland food ruled the day here. Even the fried chicken had no salt! Macaroni and cheese was tasteless. How do you manage to make that without the taste of cheese! The tastiest thing on the buffet was the iceburg lettuce! The yeast rolls must have been languishing on the buffet line for a very long time. They were hard and also tasteless. I ate my salad and my fish doctored with salt and pepper, then sat sipping my tea as I indulged in people watching.

Our booth was in the path of the buffet goers coming and leaving with plates piled high with food. The fake ferns were furry with dust and my sight line was perfect for watching the cashier in a tight t-shirt and bell bottomed khaki's with cargo pockets straining at the seams. She wasn't obese by any means, just looked like she might have been shopping in her teen daughter's closet in an effort to look younger. The bottom of her scalp, below her ears was buzzed close and the remaining hair was pulled into a high ponytail and flipped under to create a wobbly bun atop her head and adorned with a neon pink skunk stripe. Wonder what Rhett and Scarlet thought about her do?

The older men were all pot bellied, mostly in polo shirts. The younger men were either very thin or morbidly obese and displaying butt crack. The women were either overly made-up with big hair or no make-up and unwashed lank hair. Either dressed for a gala or a blizzard. It was quite interesting and bizarre at the same time.

I had seen the desserts in the line and knew right away I wold not want any dessert. HeWho is a lover of chocolate came back to our table with a tiny square of chocolate iced chocolate cake with a tiny dollup of whipped cream. He didn't finish it. He told me it was "dead".

Will we go back? Certainly not for the buffet! HeWho wants to try the menu. Why? No idea. I would only accompany him under duress!!