Friday, March 23, 2018

Let Them Eat Cake!

I have been in a grand funk lately. The gray skies do not help and I just do not feel good. As I sat sipping my coffee and watching HGTV, a nagging headache at the base of my skull .... I decided to just pretend to feel good and see how that works.

As the aspirin hit my empty stomach (yes, I know better), the burning sensation hit mid-sternum and I was light headed. My heart beat was irregular (nothing new), but ..... just in case I am having a heart attack, I ran to take a shower. Priorities and all that, it would be rude to have a medical emergency with my hair standing on end and ungroomed, wouldn't it?

While in the shower, I remembered that my HeWho has a milestone birthday tomorrow. He already has his Medicare card, so what shall I do for his big day? Perhaps I will laminate his Medicare card in lieu of a birthday card! Seems like, I don't know ..... not enough? I declared that we should only celebrate those years ending in zero when I turned 50, but 65 is the Medicare milestone.

I will bake his favorite cake, my least favorite cake, yellow cake with milk chocolate icing. I won't eat any unless I can scrape the icing onto his plate. He is a big fan of me doing this, but he can't eat the whole cake before it goes stale. So, I invited 3 other couples to join us for dinner. I will have no choice but to get my butt in gear and plan a menu and clean my house! Done!!

Beefed Up Chicken, Rice Pilaf and something green. A trip to the produce department will make that decision. In the meantime I was happily going about the business of daily chores, having a clean scalp and body, I went to make the bed. Martha, the boy cat was asleep atop my pillow (that's why I have a cat hair on my eyelashes). Normally, I would cradle him in my arms and move him to the foot of the bed while he purred. 

Last night he awakened me at 3:20 to go out, having managed to evade both of us as we were getting ready for bed. We usually let him out as the dogs are coming in. So, I unceremoniously dumped him in the floor. He gave me his most indignant look. I have warned him repeatedly about interrupting the sleep of the person who literally saved his life with a bottle of cat formula. He thinks he is the master of my universe, the ruler of my animal kingdom. He is wrong ...... I am the master of this universe and the ruler of the livestock allowed in my house!

Having a purpose, I will now go tackle that universe with a dust cloth and vacuum. As Paul Harvey used to say ..... good day.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Keurig .... Quality?

Yesterday was pretty much a wasted day. I did not actually go back to bed, but I accomplished very little.

This morning I woke with renewed energy, ready to tackle ....... something. Knowing I had an early morning arrival of a new tenant, I showered and dressed, then brewed a cup of coffee. Fed the animals and began to plan my day. The tenant came and I took care of that. The office is cold and despite my layers of clothing I carefully donned with the notion that the temperature is supposed to rise significantly today, I was chilled to the bone.

Another cup of coffee seemed to be in order. Yesterday, I descaled the Keurig. The descaling solution was $12.99! To add insult to injury, it required wasting an entire gallon of water. I do not use the water from my faucet, I purchase my water. My well water is full of minerals and will kill a coffee maker in less than 6 months.

My Keurig is less than a year old and I am the only one using it. I have a cup every day and occasionally I will have a second cup. Like today. I have cleaned coffee makers before with vinegar and marveled at all the stuff that came out. The water that ran through yesterday was clear. Just a very small amount of what looked to be coffee grinds.

Should be good for 6 months or so, right? Imagine my surprise and annoyance when I tried to brew that second cup and it stopped in mid-brew. The screen told me that needle maintenance was required. The half brewed cup is full of grinds and undrinkable. The display showed a number to call and I would be happy to vent, so I call it. Of course there is no actual person I can talk to. The voice directs me to the internet. One cannot talk to the internet!

I really want to yell at someone and looking at a video is not satisfying. I got the stupid machine in an effort to cut back on coffee. I would have bought a much cheaper unit, a knock off, but HeWho likes name brand quality purchased it.

Somewhere, there is an instruction book that came with this unit. I admit that I did not read it before using the machine. I admit that I don't know the exact location of said book. But really, the stupid thing is not old enough or under enough use to require maintenance! Maybe this is preventative maintenance and the machine is pre-programmed to require me to have to purchase their products. Vinegar is cheap!

Okay, I feel better. Not nearly as much as I would have felt had I been able to express my displeasure to a live person, but, still better. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

What Else Can Go Wrong?

Yesterday, on my Walmart shopping spree, pleather was not the only big find. Peeps. Cotton candy peeps. Two things I really like, all in one. Like Reeses did with chocolate and peanut butter. I like mine stale. Chewy. I bought myself a treat and opened them immediately when I unloaded the groceries and all my other purchases, so that air could reach them.

Maybe I should have walked on by. They did a number on my digestive system. Sugar (massive sugar) should not be indulged just prior to bedtime. I know this, having been a mother and old enough to know better. But, I did it anyway. I had a miserable night. My own fault.

Martha, the boy cat was illusive last night and avoided capture. HeWho is not as persistent as I am, and just left the cat inside. He woke me in the pre-dawn hours and I had to stumble out of my warm covers to accommodate his release to the great outdoors. The canines let me snooze until 8:00 (7:00 real time). Still feeling wonky, I discovered an ant invasion in the bathroom. How do they get in?? They were in the medicine cabinet circling the toothbrush of HeWho had put one of those ant traps there when he discovered the problem the night before. Without ever mentioning this to his wife.

The trap seemed to be a beacon to all the ants in the world and the cabinet was alive with ants. I went the harsh chemical route and killed them with spray. Fully awake by now, I went to grab some coffee. The Keurig was blinking at me, telling me that I needed to do maintenance. I unplugged it and plugged it back in. I did get my coffee, but it is blinking again. Fortunately I had already purchased the descaler solution. I do not use water from the faucet, only bottled water, so why would it need maintenance? The solution was over $12!! Just think how many pleather leggings that would buy!!!

Hot coffee in hand I sat down to check e-mail and phone calls that happened in the night. I pushed the button to turn on the TV. Nothing happened. I left that for HeWho still slept.

I decided to get the laundry started. I discovered that after the pipe burst and flooded the entire area after the last water issue that HeWho made the mess did not clean up the mess. Pipes are laying willy-nilly everywhere and every item that could become a vessel to hold water was still holding water. I walked out.

Maybe I should go back to bed.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Pleather .... NO!

Snow kept me glued to my chair watching old movies yesterday. Fat, wet flakes blanketed the grounds and the park was lovely to look upon. From inside my warm abode with logs crackling in the fireplace. It snowed so hard that my little dogs took one look out that door and turned around to stay inside. No frivolous potty breaks yesterday.

So, today, I hopped into the shower straight away. Grocery supplies are low. I have been lazy, people. I have not properly stocked my larder. The biggest tragedy being the lack of dog treats. Shame on me.

HeWho is the giver of treats to the critters. They have a routine and upon his return form his morning McBiscuit, he doles out the dental chews. I am the giver of the eats and the water .... the necessities of life. I am also the one who keeps those critters clean.

I tossed the keys to HeWho acts as my man-servant and he started the vehicle, then came back for the broom to sweep all the snow off my hood. He had already filled it with fuel. I don't do this, as I am a delicate being and I have someone who loves me enough to do it for me. Really not delicate, just don't want to.

I opened the mail before I left. I got my Medicare card today! Feeling special, senior citizeny, I hopped on the interstate and pointed my car towards Walmart. Not in the market for clothes, I perused the clearance racks anyway. I got a pair of sweatpants for $1. Who could walk by that bargain? Not me. I picked up a cute little (not that little, actually) top for another dollar. It was like I was in The Dollar Tree! My clearance shopping did not stop in the ladies department. HeWho now has a $3 flannel shirt. It was only fair.

One thing I did choose not to buy, despite the amazing price and the fact that it was my size, I just could not see me in pleather leggings. No need to make thunder thighs shine, that only makes things look larger. I did have a good laugh, though. Some people looked at me and kept their distance. Okay by me, I don't like to be crowded.

The moral to the story, well, there are two:
1. If you want your space, act a little crazy, people will leave you alone. Unless you happen upon a kindred spirit, then you will have someone to laugh with you.
2. Fat people do not wear pleather. They should not wear pleather, that is. Really shouldn't. 

Friday, March 9, 2018


Cujo is rarely photogenic, but he is quite handsome here. I took this on our trip. Cujo is a good traveler, knowing he will be close to me for the trip. He knows he will have endless opportunity to smell strange smells and bark at those people he perceives to be a threat to me.

Wall-E here with his boy, Gavin. The dog was ecstatic to see Gavin. Gavin was equally happy to See Wall-E. Wall-E is a horrible traveler. He hates the entire process. When he sees us carrying stuff to the RV, he slinks off into a corner, like we might forget to load him if he tries to become invisible. On the road he is nervous and shaky. He wants nothing more than to dig his claws in my arm and back while he buries his face into my shoulder.

Eddie's first trip. He loved it. He wanted to sniff every square inch of the camper, then settled in to watch the scenery flash by. He especially enjoyed the attention he got every time we stopped. I am not sure if people were enchanted with him or just wanted to talk to me to see why we have 4 dogs.

Toni Louise wasn't particularly happy to be traveling. We had to put a baby gate between the driver's area and the back. She is definitely the dog of HeWho rescued her from euthanasia. She thinks she is supposed to be with him if she can see him.

I had to ride in the back with all the furry children. I tired sitting in the navigator's seat, but found it too uncomfortable with 3 dogs in my lap and one whining to sit in the driver's seat. I opened the sofa bed and piled all the dogs on it with me.

See, I told you I figured out how to download my pictures. I kind of found it accidentally, truth be told. 

Thursday, March 8, 2018

The Phone

I pick up the ringing phone and say, "Kan-do Kampground ...." I wasn't expecting a person to say anything, as lately 90% of the calls are solicitors. But, this was a live one.

"Is this a campground?" I reply in the affirmative, wondering why she thought I answered the phone identifying that it was, indeed, a campground. "Oh, do you have places to park campers in?" "With water and all that?" I fell into my speech about the amenities included with a stay here. "Well, how much is it to stay there?"

And this is where it became impossible to communicate. After ascertaining that she had no idea about the electrical needs for the unit, since she was calling for her son. I quoted both prices for an overnight stay. 30 amp is $31 and 50 amp is $35. "So, it costs $50?" She seemed to think that was okay, but I repeated my pricing. I asked her what kind of camper she had. "Oh, it's little, only about 24'." I told her that she would need a 30 amp hook-up and asked when he (her son) would be camping.

This is when I found that he wanted to live here. I told her that the monthly rate is $400 and asked how old the camper was since I won't take junky long term campers. She was freaked out about the $400 monthly rate. When she thought it was $50 nightly, she was okay with that. 

Didn't matter anyway, camper was too old and her son won't be living here .....

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Birds and Bees

Last week when the sun was shining and the birds were singing, a bee entered my humble abode. He was buzzing around all the plants in my kitchen as I was preparing supper. I pointed him out to HeWho happened in to tell me where he was about to go.

I wanted the bee to go outside, as I don't fancy being stung in the night as I sleep. I handed him the fly swatter. But he would not kill the bee! When I asked why, his main reason was that he did not want to get stung or mess with my plants. But, then he decided to educate me about the benefits of bees.

According to him, the bees fertilize the plants! When I asked how they did this, he looked confused, but then assured me that it had something to do with their legs. Perhaps he meant pollinate?