I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends....

I was going to apologize for yesterday's post. I wrote it while I was feeling absolutely wretched. I wrote it just to get it out and wasn't planning on publishing it..... In the state of the "what the hell" mind I was in I hit the publish button. It was really directed at love of my life and he doesn't read....anything. To be as honest as I was yesterday, I will confess that I am not sorry that I wrote about my crappy feelings. I had a 'breakdown' when I was in my late 20's. I was diagnosed with manic depression and have no qualms about realizing that I need these drugs. I am not ashamed or embarrassed that this is a just a fact of life.

I was feeling the symptoms all weekend and had even joked about them with my doctor. He camps here. I tell you this is a high class campground! I had totally forgotten that I was out of Effexor. I "fill" a two week supply of our drugs in those little daily dose things. If I am running low on anything I order it then, knowing that it should arrive before I fill again. I don't think about it again until I fill again. So, I thought I was having an inner ear problem. My doc agreed with me and once again wondered at the wisdom of someone with my allergies choosing to own a campground. I am allergic to grass and tree pollen. 40 acres of grass and trees............

After my 'episode' in my office............ Love of my life was ensconced in my chair, using my computer at my desk (no I am not possessive!) and I was feeling just awful. I was bent over, looking in the file cabinet, having admitted to myself that I should at least call my doctors office. I was just about to pull their file out to get the number. I knew I was going to pass out, so I said as much to Drew, then let myself slide to the floor. Even while I was feeling the blood rush back to my head I was congratulating my self on choosing to put those interlocking foam squares on the floor. It was nice and cushy to rest upon while I fought the rising nausea. Drew called while I was down on the floor with all my dogs trying to revive with their tongues. He was trying to relay my symptoms to the office nurse, but gave up and handed me the phone. I know how terrible I sounded and she advised the emergency room (that was NOT going to happen) since they couldn't see me until 3:30. I simply agreed with all she had to say and hung up...or would have had she not insisted on chatting with Drew again.

He was going to pick me up. I am fat. I have been told that I don't look like I weigh as much as I do, so I guess I am solid---think Crisco. I weigh 50 lbs more than I did full term pregnant with my twins. I am more weight than he should try to lift. I would have laughed at his attempts had I not felt so wretched. I finally got up and wove my way to the couch. I sipped a Sprite and ate a few crackers hoping to feel better. Didn't work any magic and I showered and threw on some layers of clothes since I was alternately hot, then cold. No make-up, no blow dried coif. Just me in my natural unadorned state. Not pretty.

Upon hearing about my lack of Effexor..... the mystery was solved. No bulging eardrums, although he did suggest that I was right in assuming that it was related to my allergies. So, it was a combination of events that led to my meltdown. I have to start back on the beginner's dose of my Effexor. I am still having episodes of dizziness today and don't think I will be much use in my garden. Some how, just knowing why I feel this way makes it all the more bearable.

All this to say thank you to all my friends out there who showed such concern for the crazy lady!