Have you ever felt hate? I am sure from time to time you have met people who don't particularly like you, nor you them. That is not what I am referring to. When you don't care to be in the presence of someone you usually simply remove yourself and go on about your business. That is what I do. But, I am talking about a very palpable feeling of hatred.
We all say "Oh, I just hate her, she thinks she is better than me." Or, as I have been known to say to friends who have achieved a goal that I have not yet reached, "I hate you." Really meaning that I am a little jealous. These are common statements we all have made from time to time and those that we made them to realized the context.
Lately I have felt pure hate coming from the anonymous commenter on my blog. Given the onslaught of responders to the comments, I am not the only one who had that perception. The latest comment was vile. I had written posts about my recent visits with my grandchildren along with pictures. I felt compelled to take them down because I do not want them viewed by this commenter. I feel a threat to myself from some of the statements made by "anonymous". I find myself double checking the locks on my doors and staying close to the main building. I think that this person(s) means me harm. I feel it come through the words she/he has written. No matter that the text is poorly constructed with misspellings and grammatical errors........... I feel the threat.
It doesn't help that this person(s) is living in my park. From the context of the last comment I can assume that she/he plans to leave soon. I am hopeful that this is true. The last comment also indicated that they would no longer be reading my blog, although I doubt that is true. I seem to have struck a chord with whoever this is and they keep returning. I know that I can delete the comments and that I can block the commenter...... However, that will not stop them from reading my words. And.... it won't stop them from hating me.
Nobody wants to be disliked this intensely. I am not naive enough to think that everyone will like me and want to be my friend. I don't like everyone I meet and I tend to choose my friends with great care.
I have felt restrained in my writing of late. My thoughts aren't simply running onto the keyboard in a hurry to be read. I had a long chat with my son the other night and he helped me put it all into perspective. He reminded me that not everyone will agree with or even like what I have to say. He told me that not every column written or book written has everyone for a fan, no matter how popular the writer or the subject matter. I suppose I will have to take the good with the bad.
A very dear friend commiserated with me this very day and asked me a very important question. She wanted to know if this anonymous commenter was affecting my writing. I had to answer that it was. I found myself editing my thoughts and words before they hit the "paper".