Sunday, April 30, 2017

Worst Paper Cut EVER

While the rain pounded down so hard it came in the vents on the roof and I had to mop every hour or so, the internet went out. Really. I can't go outside and to add insult to injury, I can't navigate the web in between mopping.

I am finally able to get on-line again and catch up with my "reading". This is when I catch up on my favorite blogs. I was doing just that, and had just written a witty comment when ...... the internet went down again.

This time it was actually my fault. I had accidentally turned the function off when I was vigorously scratching my jean clad belly because I thought I felt something crawling on me. A tick, I thought, but turned out it was just an itch.

Anywho, I was responding to Hillbilly Mom's unfortunate paper cut. Paper cuts really hurt. It made me remember my worst paper cut ever. I know, I know, everybody thinks theirs is the worst, but I am willing to bet that my story will top all others.

This happened back in the 80's, close in time to the Glamour shot incident. We were living in Tampa and I had custody of our 2 year old grandson. I had been to the grocery store for just a few items and had only one bag. I stopped at the mailbox and stuck the mail in the grocery bag. With a wriggling two year old in one arm and the bag (remember paper grocery bags?) in the other, I made my way into the kitchen. I put the bag on the counter and turned to deal with the cranky child in need of a nap. I forget what it was that he needed so badly from that bag, but I stood on tip toe and reached into the bag to get it. I grabbed the mail, rolled up inside a magazine and pulled it out of the way as I was looking for this most important thing that I can no longer

In doing so, the bundle of mail came unstuck unexpectedly and the rolled magazine scraped my open eye!!! Burning pain shot through my eye and tears began to flow like a broken faucet. I cannot begin to describe my misery. I must have located the item the child wanted and he must have realized how much distress I was in. I lay down with him, since opening my eye was agony. He finally went to sleep and, like all mothers everywhere, I got up to accomplish some household chores in peace and quiet.

Just a paper cut, you know. By the time school was out and the child who drove himself to school rolled in, I was mostly out of my mind with pain. I had managed to find an ophthalmologist that could see me right away. It was my sensitive sweet son and he strapped the kid in his car and hauled me to that office. He was so nervous, driving with his critical mother in the front seat. The road was bumpy and he kept offering apologies, but I could have cared less.

The very first thing they did upon my arrival was apply numbing drops to my pitiful eye. Instant relief. Turns out that I filleted my cornea. Seems that rolled up magazine pages are sharp! Ointment and an eye patch for a week and I was good as new. Well, maybe not new, but as good as could be expected.

Was I right? Can anyone top that paper cut story?


Linda O'Connell said...

just when you had me relating to the crabby toddler, you pierced my eye reading how you fileteted your eyeball. Oh my, I can't imagine. Will the rain EVER stop?!

Hillbilly Mom said...

YIKES! Or maybe I should scream "yEYEkes!"

I CANNOT top that papercut story, even though I seem to have a mangled-digit tale every couple of days or so.

My eyeball is having sympathy-fillet pangs.

dkzody said...

I cannot imagine a paper cut on the eyeball. that had to be horrible. Glad you healed up.

ellen abbott said...

you definitely win the prize on that one.