Friday, October 2, 2009

Families......

I was going to post about something totally different...... meeting a fellow blogger. But my mind is taking me in a different direction.

I have been noticing for the past few weeks that love of my life is not his usual chipper self. At first I thought he was just tired, like we always are towards the end of the season. He has been sleeping quite a bit though and is still not himself, so I was wondering if he might be sick. But he isn't. I think he is a little depressed. He will rise to the occasion when we have company, but he just isn't himself.

I have been pondering what may be the cause (other than our current economic situation) and I think I have the answer. He might disagree with me until he really thinks about it. We have been here for five years. Every year my Dad makes the pilgrimage to see us. Our children do the same and we make a trip in the winter to visit them and our grandchildren.

Not once since we have been living here in Missouri has his family paid us a visit. His mother flew here the first year and was here for Thanksgiving. The only time we have seen her since is when we have traveled to Georgia. Traveling is not easy for us. We are open year round and when we go to Minnesota to see our grandchildren we don't usually go together. Someone has to be here. My family seems to understand this and visits us.

My husband has only one sister and she called him several years ago and said that she wanted to be closer and stay in contact more. This was actually about ten years ago. Since that conversation she has made little effort to see her brother. I know traveling is an inconvenience........ I know this because we are always the ones to travel to see her. I would call her and tell her how I feel, but we don't have that kind of relationship. I have extended an open invitation to my in-law family and beyond that I don't know what to do. It is not that they don't travel. They go places all the time and it is mentioned on her face book page. I just saw that they just returned from a trip to the beach and mentioned it to my sweet husband this morning. I think his feelings were hurt and he has been gloomy all day. He would no doubt deny this if I said anything... being a guy and all.

Just had to lend voice to my feelings. My own sister has never been here either, but we do keep in touch. She has a situation that prevents her from visiting me. My step-sister has been here three times to see me and like I said before, Mama and Daddy come every year. All the regulars here at the campground have met my family and will ask if Drew has any family since they have never seen any visit us. Makes me sad and a little angry at the same time. Don't mess with the love of my life!

11 comments:

Alix said...

Sometimes open invitations are too general and ambiguous and people forget about them. Maybe make a direct invitation and either suggest a time or leave it up to your family member.

Winter sometimes depresses people too. Get him out for a nice brisk walk. You'll not only get exercise but he'll probably open up and tell you what's going on, being a captive audience and all. Try it!

Hope things are back to normal soon.

XO

Jilly said...

:(

Sunny said...

My husband who comes from a large family has gone through the same experience with his siblings. We have always told our family that our door is always open and they are welcome at any time, just check ahead to make sure we are going to be home.
It always seems like we are the ones expected to travel, which is okay but it would be nice to have them come visit.
I'm an only child so I don't have this problem on my side.
As far as feeling down, I know that I start to feel blah once the days get shorter.
I suggest a big hug!
Sunny :)

ellen abbott said...

I wish I had a solution for you Kathy, but I don't. My father-in-law has disowned us. Maybe I'll post about the why of it, the straw so to speak but right now one of the persons involved has no idea the real reason. When I was first married, my FIL told me to my face that his son (my beloved) had not done a single thing in his life to make him proud. I was pretty speechless. I tried to get him to be involved with my family but he just was not interested and nothing I could do could make him. I gave up. I didn't like the asshole anyway. And our kids were better off not having him for a grandparent. We are close to the siblings though.

Alix makes a good point. Invite them for a specific time.

luksky said...

Maybe it's hormones....that's what I always blame my doom and gloom on...

Hit 40 said...

This is odd that they do not visit. I agree that the lack of family support may be making him sad.

Alix might be right to ask them directly when they would like to stop by. We have tried this technique on my husband's family. They still don't visit us very often. Kinda strange too. They love us to come see them!!

Good luck

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

It can be so sad when families lose that personal touch. I am estranged fom my siblings - a very dysfunctional family in many ways. We are spread out geographically throughout the UK and Europe so there isn't the opportunity to just pop in for a chat like there was in older communities that lived near each other.

I can always see when himself is down too or preoccupied with something - which isn't very often thank God - but he isn't particularly tuned in to his feelings. Sometimes it takes my mentioning it to bring it to the fore and he can start to deal with whatever is bothering him.

I hope LOYL perks up but I think the suggestion Alix made is a good one.

Pat said...

I know men, or should I say MOST men, don't like to show their true feelings, or talk about them. Sounds like Drew is indeed, depressed. Who knows why families act the way they do. Would it be hard for Drew to pick up the phone and say to his family, "Hey, on your travels, why don't you stop by and see us?"

Nancy said...

Maybe you should invite her and see what she says. You never know, maybe she thought she needs an invitation. People are just plain odd sometimes.

labbie1 said...

Just wondering if it is possible that it is a heart issue--like a small blockage that is taking some of his pep? Of course, with my husband's heart--that is always the first thing I think of...

LadyLeonine said...

Hello, friends of my dear sister. This is her sister who has yet to grace her and Drew's Kampground. Not for wanting to, but necessity prevents -- so far. I -- please be jealous -- work at Wal-Mart. If any of you, too, are prisoners of this retail giant, you know that "time off" is not in their vocabulary, even for management.

I keep threatening Kathy that I AM going to break out and visit, bringing my son and totally adorable granddaughter, who just turned 7 years old.

Problem -- can I resist the urge to supervise when I visit? It runs in our family. The last time Kass & Drew visited us, we spent most of the time re-doing my kitchen and a hall ceiling. It's not that I actually want to do the work -- but when Kathy is around, she always FINDS stuff that needs doing (not a hard problem at my house) since I am so lazy sometimes -- dead lice wouldn't fall off me.

All in all - my darling sister is a sweetheart -- as is my dearest brother-in-law, Drew, so those who are fortunate enough to stay in their lovely Kampground, are, I am sure, treated like family. If you've stayed there, you know it. If not, give it a try.

XX's & OO's to you, my dearest darling family.