Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Highschool

I recently reconnected with two schoolmates from high school through face book. It was two people that I liked and respected, so I accepted the invitations to be friends on FB. They have formed a group and I accepted the invitation to join....... A question was put forth asking about my favorite memory from high school. I haven't answered it yet and don't know that I can. If I could sum up my entire high school career in one word.... it would be inferior. I would rather forget high school as I don't have any pleasant memories from that time in my life. My dad was a Navy man and we spent most of his career in Norfolk, Va. He was assigned to aircraft carriers and for many years would be gone 9 months and home for only 3. Every time a cruise approached we would pack up our belongings and head to a small town in Georgia to stay with my grandparents. This would disrupt every school year and any friendships you might have developed. I was not a pretty child, somewhat chunky. I think my mother would rather have had a son. My sister was always the immaculate little lady and I was the grungy little fat kid. This did not encourage a healthy self esteem and I spent most of my school career just trying to fit in. In Norfolk I was enrolled in a very large middle school that included the ninth grade. I was quite happy with the anonymity of the large school as it allowed me to find my place without the overbearing peer pressure that is so prevalent in small towns. I had carved out my little niche and was happily pursuing all the extras the school provided that were of particular interest to me. A class in journalism was offered and I found out how to express myself on paper for the first time. I loved that class, I can still remember most of my fellow classmates and the teacher. He was a wonderful teacher and many lively discussions on varied topics were the norm for that class. It wasn't an easy class--you had to be willing to have your work critiqued by your fellow classmates as well as any other teacher who might have a free period and drop in. I was in my second year in that class when my dad retired and we had to move to Georgia. I was 14 and thought it was the end of the world. I had three close friends and we would talk for hours on the phone scheming a run-away that would allow me to stay. I, of course moved along with my family, hating every minute of the move. Small town high schools are very cliquish and I didn't fit in anywhere. My sister loved it. She acted superior to her classmates, having come from a much larger school with a better curriculum. But I just felt lost. It's not that I didn't know the people I was going to school with as I had been going to school with them on and off since first grade. I missed the challenge of my old classes. I only dated one person and he was from a different school--a football rival to our school. This, of course didn't make me any more popular. All my feelings of inferiority were back. My mom had never done much to bolster my self esteem, probably because hers was so low. My dad was not used to having to deal with us on such a full-time basis. I suppose that is why I got married the summer I turned 16. I always wanted to have children and be a homemaker, I didn't think I would get more than one chance at it and I took it. The absolute biggest mistake of my life. I ended up dropping out of high school in my junior year because I was pregnant. So back to my dilemma of what to write about as my favorite memory in high school................ I guess I won't respond. It would be rude to write that I hated it, wouldn't it?

7 comments:

SJT said...

You could tell them you are too old to remember. It has worked for me lately!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Hmmmmm. Maybe. They are older than me, though.

Andrea said...

I can't remember any one thing about high school that I would consider "great." The more people I ask, the more I hear that "high school was pretty awful." I don't think it would be rude if you didn't answer.

Lover of Life said...

No it wouldn't be rude to write that you hated it. You get to own your own experience. If they had a different experience, then good for them. But yours is yours. Period. (Thank Gob high school is only four years!)

lovelyprism said...

I feel your pain. I can sum up high school in one word... wallpaper. That's what I tried to be, wallpaper. To blend in and never be noticed. Kids are cruel! To be noticed was to be criticized. Whose self esteem can take a blow like that?

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Low self esteem should be considered a hazard of high school. I takes some of us longer to recover than others. I am now quite comfy in my own skin!

scarlethue said...

I definitely agree with you there-- when something tragic happens, like her death, I feel like I have to avoid the news altogether for a while. I just don't see the point in depressing myself over the death of someone I didn't know and who lived a good, if too short, life. If I wanted to get depressed, there're enough things going on right here in my town I could focus on, or I could read about thousands of starving people in the world or war-torn countries or any other countless topics. Or I could try to remember high school-- that would be depressing too. ;)