Melancholy. Mr. Webster's definition of this word is depressed in spirit, dejected, sad. That is a pretty apt description of my current state of mind. I guess it is normal to feel this way and for the past few days I have been simply letting this dominate my life. Oh, I continue to function and do all the chores that are absolutely necessary, but with a heavy heart. I have been reading and commenting and I have started to post a couple of times and erased them. They were too depressing.
I don't want to feel this way and I don't want to share this state of melancholy with others. I am supposed to be upbeat and witty. I am supposed to make decisions and follow through. I am supposed to make you laugh. I can't do it today and don't think tomorrow will be any better. I also feel guilty that I am using my husband as a buffer and he is as melancholy as I am. He has only me to talk to about the way he feels. I have a friend who checks on me every day. I am able to tell her just how crappy I feel. She listens and never judges. Love of my life is trying to be there for me and he doesn't have a friend to lean on.
In order to make this pilgrimage to my son's memorial service we purchased a '97 Class C motor home. I checked into renting one and ....... it made more sense to purchase something, then sell it when we get back. I used all my cash reserves for winter to do this and hope that I can recoup my money when I return. I spent the morning cleaning the RV and beginning to load in the necessities to travel. It is very compact, this new ride and I ended up removing the table to accommodate the dogs' kennel. The dogs are the reason we travel in our own accommodations. The cost to kennel them...... plus the fact that Oscar (aka Spawn of Satan) would no doubt bite his keeper and we would have to pay extra for that,assures that the dogs go with us. Emmy is delicate, having broken her back and having her spine fused....I would be worried about her the whole time. And then there is Wall-E, the blogging dog. He is afraid of his own shadow and would pee himself and whimper the whole time. The kennel is for him. It contains all things familiar to him and is where he goes when he is overwhelmed by life. (Wish I had a kennel!)
The bed is made and bathroom is clean and stocked with all the necessities. It is so small that you can multi-task from a sitting position. The shower stall; what can I say. I was going to put the kennel in it, but it's not big enough. Showering should be quite an event. The kitchen is small, but all I need is the microwave to heat up the pizzas and sandwiches that didn't sell this past season. Paper plates will make the nice double sink useless. I am not outfitting the kitchen, since we plan on selling it as soon as we get back. It has a 9 inch TV and a dish! Love of my life will no doubt take a larger set for the trip. Hey, we have priorities! All I care about is that the bed is comfy and the dogs will be with us.
I am thinking that I should either go for a walk while the sun is shining or go bake some cookies for my husband. Maybe I will do both and this will be a day of great accomplishments........