So Sad

Didn't get much sleep last night. I kept waking up to check Oscar, my old dog, to see if he was still breathing. I am sad, the time has come to say goodbye to my old friend.

He is in pain. Seems to be his shoulders and neck and he is yelping, as he guards himself. He can sense when something is coming towards him and he cries out in anticipation of being bumped. All day long he cried out and was only content when I held him in my arms, on his back, like a baby. He does not want me to sit down to hold him unless I go outside and sit in the rocker on the porch. I find myself swaying to and fro, just like I used to do with my babies.

He is my baby. I have to wait until Friday to take him in to my vet and the next two days will be bittersweet. He is sleeping peacefully right now, and to be honest, I won't be devastated if he slips away while he sleeps. While he is awake, I am holding him and talking to him.

While I am weepy, the comfort dog, Wall-E is staying close by and if I do sit down, he jumps in my chair to sit next to me. Cujo gets in on the game and sits with us. Toni Louise is in her own world, she is the dog of HeWho loves her most, after all. Martha, the boy cat, is sitting vigil next to the sleeping old guy. They all know what is happening and are very subdued.

All of us, except Toni Louise. I think she is just biding her time as she waits to take over the alpha role. My Oscar has been a dictator for nearly 17 years and it is now coming to an end. I miss the younger obnoxious dog!

In his hey day, Oscar was a tyrant. He bullied everyone. He even tried to bully me. He bit me once and left me with a hole in my nose and a black eye. In his defense, I startled him and he responded without realizing he was attacking his master. He was contrite after he discovered it was me. It did not make me love him any less. He has owned a place in my heart since the first time I cuddled him in my arms.

I resisted the little guy when My daughter, Jill, brought him to meet me. He was supposed to be a birthday present for my son-in-law, Nick. Jill developed an intense hatred dislike for Oscar, despite the fact that she chose him and named him. I kept the name. He is an award, not a wiener! His wife dog was Emmy, being a most precious award of sweetness. As full of love as Emmy was, Oscar was full of himself.

You know how seeing someone or something day after day and you just see them as you always have. Until we went on our trip, Oscar looked, well, like Oscar to me. My daughters were shocked when they saw him and both told me how awful he looked. They even went so far as to try to have an intervention with me about hanging onto my old dog. I brushed them off. He was not in pain then. He enjoyed daily activities with me, little times alone with me in the front yard, riding the golf cart or just being carried around in my arms.

But, he is hurting mow and I cannot bear it. I am so sad and will be for some time.