Monday, June 20, 2011

Pools Rule or Pool Rules

POOL RULES





1. Children Under the age of 14 MUST be accompanied by a responsible adult. A responsible adult would be someone over the age of 21 who has a drivers licence and is sober (most of the time).





2. No eating, drinking or smoking in the area around the pool (within the fence). We have provided a pavilion for that purpose. We have also provided trashcans in which to place your refuse (trash, stuff you don't want). We have provided a receptacle for your ashes and butts. Please refrain from grinding them out on the decking or simply flicking them onto the surrounding grassy area. If you violate this rule you will be asked to leave and no refund will be forth coming ........ this means I will keep the three dollars you gave me. I will no doubt question your lineage, too.





3. Do not send your small children to the office to beg for food. If you cannot afford to feed your children, you should not be spending money to swim ......... or on the cigarettes. If you insist on sending the tots up to beg, be prepared for some public humiliation ..... or what would be humiliating for most law abiding, sane folks.





4. Accompany your small children to the bathroom. If your child has an accident and, for whatever reasons, smears feces on the seat and the floor, be a sport and clean it up ...... or at the very least, alert someone in the office to take care of the mess so that others won't encounter it. This is assuming that your children don't do this at home ........





5. The laundry room is not a baby changing station, nor is it a dressing room. Please do not put dirty diapers in the waste basket that is intended for dryer lint. This is disgusting and you should be ashamed!





6. No glass containers of any kind are to be around the pool. I am sorry that you prefer beer in a glass bottle over beer in a can. I will explain the reasoning behind this rule once again. Glass is breakable. People tend to be barefoot in the pool area and can sustain a cut if they step on it. Should the broken glass make its way into the pool, the pool would have to be drained to remove all of it. Common sense should prevail here, but I have found that quality to be sorely lacking in those who are drinking the beer and the wine coolers. Rule #2 should cover this issue, but there are still those folks who think they are exempt from any restraints on their lives. A violation here will also result in being expelled from the pool without a refund and being banned from further pool excursions.





7. The pool is open daily from 11 am until 7 pm, weather permitting. The pool is closed during thunderstorms. No, you may not sign a "release" stating that you will not sue me should you be struck by lightning. The pool is not open during storms, even with said release.





8. When 7 pm approaches and you are getting ready to leave, please take everything you brought with you. Do not leave clothing and towels draped on the fence around the pool. It will not be there when you return in the next few days.





9. Do not drop coins in the pool. We sell dive sticks and pool toys in the store. The coins will get caught in the pool cleaning equipment and cause it to malfunction. Purchasing new equipment will cause the cost per person to increase.



Like sand through the pool filters, such are the days of my life ..............

6 comments:

Lady Jane said...

Sounds sane to me...

ellen abbott said...

and I hope you posted those as is. but then, I would imagine that most the rule breakers never bothered to learn to read anyway.

Susan B said...

Should't point 6 last sentence say that they will be expelled without a refund? It says 'with a refund'.

Love your blog!

Mamma has spoken said...

As I am reading this, I see a family that you might watch on CMT's redneck wedding. I don't have much tolerance for those who can't follow rules. And what I have found about these people is that as long as you don't say something to them, they will continue to break the rules. It's like they need someone to tell them no before they get it.

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

oh - my - goodness! i'd love to see you post this (as written) but i'm afraid you'd have people who would say, "huh? does that mean me too? i don't think so" and then they'd go on and break the rules.

Brian Miller said...

oh my...rough day eh? ugh on the feces smearing....