Pencil Me In

It is Wednesday. The Wednesday before Memorial Day weekend and it has begun. I got up at my usual time of 5:30. Let the canines out to empty their bladders and await the arrival of Martha, the boy cat. There is a bird nest in the chimney stack of the wood stove and every morning a lone adult bird comes out to serenade me. I whistle back and he/she turns it's little bird head from side to side as we "talk". Happens every morning since the snow finally melted.

Martha was taking his sweet time in coming home. He will jump up on a fence post and tease his doxies with his swishing tail before jumping down to follow us in and back to bed for a little extension of sleep time. I was not fully awake as the clock approached 6 am, but decided to have my coffee and sit a spell. I mowed feverishly yesterday with great determination in a sleeveless shirt and my upper arms got a bit of a burn. Made it uncomfortable in bed, so I decided to just stay up, thinking to have a little chair nap that would require me to re-heat the coffee. 

I had just settled in when the PHONE RANG. 6:02 am. It was the tent camper I had checked in the evening before who wanted to know if my hanging baskets and flower pots that adorn my front porch were for sale. He was a shouter on the phone, as if we were communicating with two cans and a string. He shouted "Are you up?" What with it being in the early morning hours and no coffee in my system, my politeness filter was not yet in play. I said, "I am now." Still talking too loud for such an early hour he started telling me about something he found and needed to show me and see if he needed to pay for it. In addition to his volume, he tended to run his words together and he had that way of speaking that I refer to as "juicy", spittle flying, making you watch his mouth in fascination to see if he was going to drool or swallow.

He told me to take my time waking up. How generous of him. I thought about waking the man of the house, then remembered that HeWho taxies folks had a early ride, so I just settled in and waited. I did not need his permission to take my time and I had absolutely no intention of going out to see what he had "found". That was a task for HeWho is likable without caffeine.

Turns out, he put a table top grill on our picnic table ...... without using the folding legs on the grill and burned the table. We do wait until the kits are on sale for $60 and then take all the damaged tables apart to rebuild into new tables. But still, I would have asked for more than the $10 he offered.

Yesterday was a night mare of phone calls, as well. While I was mowing, I had to keep stopping and starting. While I did everything. While trying to eat dinner Monday night a young sounding man called to see if I had "any reservations for the weekend", as he was looking to rent a campground. I just can't help myself sometimes. I told him that I had quite a few reservations and only a few empty sites left and went on to ask why he would need an entire campground. This went completely over his head and he proceeded to tell me that he just needed a campground to camp in.

I followed with the usual questions, RV or tent, with or without electricity. I had already pegged him for a tent. This done, he bade me goodbye and called back 5 minutes later. "How much will it cost?" When I am answering this sort of question, I always try to anticipate other questions and provide all the answers I can. I quoted the price and added that it covered 2 adults and up to 2 children under the age of 14; and that extra persons would be $3 per night per person. "So how much is it gonna be?" I countered with "How many people will be camping, including yourself?" "There is 4 of us." It was like pulling teeth. "Adults? Any children?" "No we ain't got no kids."

So, I told him it would be $6 extra for the other 2 adults. "Well, how much is it, then?" Well, let's see, if the base price is $29 and you have 2 extras at $3 per person, it would be $35 a night. "Yeah, but how much for the whole time?" How many nights do you plan to camp? "Well, I'm not really sure yet." I told him to decide how many nights and multiply that number times the $35 and that would be the amount, plus tax. He hung up.

He called back. "Will the pool be open?" I answered with, "The pool is always open Memorial Day weekend through Labor Day

weekend." He asks .......... "Yeah, but will it be open this weekend?" I said yes and once again he hung up.

My food was no longer palatable and I had lost my ability to swallow solids due to my irritation. He called once again and made a reservation. No, it was not a simple transaction, as he was relaying everything I said to people in the background and they were voicing opinions that were not very complimentary. When we got to the part about needing to secure the reservation with a deposit or credit card, I seriously considered just hanging up myself. I finally extracted the information, after assuring him several times that I only ran the card if he failed to show or notify me of a cancellation and that they is no cancellation fee.

I took a shower and hid out in the bathroom for as long as I could, then went to bed. His wife called yesterday morning and cancelled after warning me that I had better not charge a cancellation fee. I almost did, just for fun. I didn't because it would end up costing me if it didn't go through.

I figured I am better off without them this weekend. But, wait!! He called again today and made another reservation, using a different name and then told me he had to go put money on his card and that he would call me back. I use a pencil. I erased his reservation. If he calls back, I will refer him to another campground.