Wednesday, September 12, 2018


You will recall that I mentioned a time or two that HeWho has trouble following instructions. We both turned 65 this year and our clinic has us both having tests. HeWho had a colonoscopy this past summer. In this electronic age we live in, he opted to have the instructions for the prep e-mailed to him. I picked up his prescription that came with no instructions …… because they had been e-mailed.

The day before his procedure came and I reminded him that he had the instructions in his computer. "Oh, I deleted the e-mail." This said while he was eating his morning biscuit with sausage. I was annoyed. I told him he was not supposed to be eating. He was indignant. He went to see a friend who recently had the procedure and I spent a day listening to him justify all the food he ate because so and so said you could. He drank not even half of the jug of prep and complained throughout the afternoon. He agreed to a cup of broth for his supper and said he was going to set his alarm to get up and drink the rest before he left to go to the facility for the procedure.

I informed him that if he waited to drink it right before we left that he would need to procure another driver and car because I would not be the one to drive the considerable distance. He must have believed me because he didn't do that. I meant that he should finish his jug of cleansing liquid before he went to bed.

I woke up early to drive the patient in and discovered the half full jug of the wonder liquid languishing on the counter and the loaf of bread, a knife and the red ring you pull off the bologna before you eat it. HE ATE A BALOGNA SANDWICH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I drove him there and waited dutifully while he underwent the procedure. They came to get me to wait to see what the doctor had to say while the patient was trying to wake up. There I sat, arms folded across my chest, as if in denial that I was anything but the driver. "The prep was (long pause) substandard, I encountered a lot of (pause) debris." I remembered the words because I found them to be very polite, given the subject matter.

He went on to tell me ( my man was still drooling and trying to look alert) what he found and did during the procedure. The end result was a second procedure today. But this one had to be done in the hospital due to the size of the polyp that had to be harvested. The hospital in downtown St. Louis. Do I like to drive in a big city? No, I do not. How many hospitals do you think might be in a city the size of St. Louis? Did we go to the correct hospital? No, we did not. But the nice people at the admitting desk called until they found where we were supposed to be and even printed out directions for us and it was a miracle that we made it on time.

I kind of think that the prep directions might have had the necessary directions to the hospital, but got lost in the head of HeWho almost completed the directions for the prep this time. He did not eat anything all day, I am happy to report and only left about 2 inches of the prep solution in the jug. He received much praise from the doctor for this good work.

The prep day was spent in another city with the hand surgeon. His stitches were finally removed and my attention to changing bandages and cleaning the wound were praised. His finger looks good if you saw the freshly injured finger. There was a lot of skin and tissue missing, but he still had 12 stitches to be removed. Some of the existing tissue will continue to slough off, but the problem now is that the last joint in the finger was in a downward position too long and the tendon is too tight. A new splint will force the tendon to stretch and all will be well with the pinkie finger of my would be McGyver. 

Two long days of early mornings and running around has left me too tired to mow!


Val said...

WHOA! Even Hick followed his colonoscopy prep instructions, and didn't have a midnight bologna sandwich. And he's the guy who takes his liquid cough medicine with a serving spoon, every four hours, even setting an alarm through the night, because the "as needed" part of those instructions are lost on him.

Joanne Noragon said...

You must take a nap. Repeat: must.

dkzody said...

Your husband's inattention to the colonoscopy prep makes me wonder...could I too have gotten away with not drinking or taking that terrible medicine that cleans one out so thoroughly? That's the only part of the procedure I hate--the prep. It kills my system.

Linda O'Connell said...

Oh my goodness, how do you do it?! A bologna sandwich?! And lost in the big city is no fun. Hope life levels out for you.

Kathy G said...

Never a dull moment around your house, is there :-)

ellen abbott said...

the not eating I can handle. drinking a jug of nasty stuff, no way.