Thursday, October 16, 2014

Torn Between Here and There


The sun is shining and from all reports it will be a beautiful day. Reservations are pouring and it should be a great weekend. I have plans to spend a nice evening among my friends Saturday night and all appears to be well in my world.

Appearances can be deceiving. I feel caught between two worlds. I should call my Dad every day and hate to admit that I don't. It is not that I forget. I don't think one hour goes by that I don't think about him. It is that the calls leave me drained. Hearing him sound so weak and resigned to his fate breaks my heart. I need to go and I want to go, but I also want to stay here and pretend it isn't happening.

I find myself sitting for long periods of time watching mindless TV, or cleaning out closets and cupboards in a frenzy. My car is loaded with things to take with me. I look forward to the trip and dread it all at the same time. I have decided to drive, as I doubt the flu shot will protect me from Ebola on a plane.

I hate to leave my cozy little home and my four legged children. I don't want to go a lone and I do want to go alone. My mind is neither here nor there ......

5 comments:

Joanne Noragon said...

It will be OK, go, like you want to.

Kathy G said...

Whatever you decide will be the right one.

joanne said...

tell your mind to 'shut up' and go with what your heart is telling you. It will be right...

Linda O'Connell said...

It's that first step that is the hardest. I have been where you are, and I know how difficult it is. My thoughts are with you.

Karen said...

Ugh. Brings back memories of when my dad was sick. Jumping every time the phone rings, wanting to call but feeling sick to my stomach as I'd wait for someone to answer... my heart goes out to you.