Wednesday, December 14, 2011


This feels like the roller coaster ride from hell. I never know what my mood will be when I wake up. Some days have been great and I think that I am on level ground again. Then the most insignificant thing can knock me down. I know that my sleep pattern is out of kilter, but it has been most of my life.

Besides that, all I did was sleep for a few weeks. Sort of. Like a series of naps. But, a lot of them. Sometimes I would fall asleep sitting up with my hands on the keyboard while writing. I did not post those rather lengthy and rambling epistles of doom and gloom. I would re-read them in my more lucid moments and decide to just delete them. You may thank me.

I have been unable to fall asleep lately. I toss and turn and get up with the animals I have made equally restless. I have deliberately kept the temperature low in hopes that the chill air would chase me to my covers and hopefully sleep. I have the thermostat set at 60. The fire builder has taken on the challenge of warming the house. We burn hickory wood from the downed trees on our property. It always smells like I am cooking a wood smoked chunk of meat in here.

The ill-fated trip to WalMart left me anxious and that sense of impending doom is back. The happy light didn't help yesterday as I counted the hours until bedtime. I have resolved not to crawl back under the covers in the morning and sleep until 10, or 11. No matter how little sleep I have managed. This does not mean I want to be up at the crack of dawn either.

He who drags his cell phone to bed can sleep through anything. Little things like the tiny light glowing on his charger do not bother him. He does not lay in the sleepless hours and try to make images out of the shadows it casts upon the ceiling. He can let it ring incessantly before lazily reaching for it.

He always makes a show of trying to be quiet. His efforts are pretty much in vain. He seldom succeeds. This morning, the phone rand around 7. I had been up at 1:30 and again at 3:30. I was hoping to sleep until about 8. Two of the dogs jumped out of bed with him. Did he take the two dogs out? No. They tapped danced across the floor as they followed him to the bathroom and then to the kitchen to retrieve his bubba mug, then back to the bedroom. All this with a million lights turned on. The lights hit the mirror in the hall and reflected into my face.

With all the lights one would think that he could gather the items necessary for dressing without much ado. No, he managed to bang open drawers and doors and knock items to the floor. It is my own fault. I have been known to lay all his clothes out for him and I should have done it last night. I didn't and I am truly sorry.

During his percussion performance I gathered the two dogs still in bed and took them out. He still had not taken out the two following him .......... they had peed in the floor. I saw the puddles and the footprints of he who stepped in it and tracked it through the house. Can't really blame the dogs, they were not the ones who had me up in the night. What is the very first thing you want to do when you get up in the morning?

For me it must be mopping, cause that is what I did. I usually take the dogs out, then take care of my business and then let them in. Seems like the logical thing to do. Then I get coffee and wake up to start my day. If my mate is sleeping, I do all of it quietly and with just the light of day to lead my way. I am, oh, what is that word ....... considerate? Okay, sarcastic, too.

So, having accomplished mopping, two loads of laundry, bed making, dog feeding, and removing some of the tile on the bathroom floor (yes, I meant to), I take a quick shower and dress for the day. My hair still wet, I see a car in front of the store. It is only 10 am and I have another hour, but I go to see if I can help the gentleman. It is the tax accessor. He wants to know if I have built anything this year. Since a bad attitude does not count, I answer in the negative and wish him a good day. He apologizes for waking me up.

My hair is obviously wet. Does he think it is greasy? And, just how bad do I look? It is true that I have yet to apply make-up, but I am freshly scrubbed clean. So much for my self-esteem. Why did he think I just woke up. I am not in my pajamas and robe. I am fully dressed. I even have a stupid holiday sweat on, proclaiming joy to the world. Now I am annoyed at two men. Somehow, I don't think today will be all that great.


Joanne said...

I think he who is clueless reads this. May he finally get it! Just wishing. In the meantine, you earned crabby. All the best.

Brian Miller said...

just focus on that sweatshirt...smiles..

kinda scared leaving a comment i dont want to be number 3...smiles.

luksky said...

Your posts are too funny....even though I'm not so sure if they are meant to be. Maybe I'm just easily amused. Either way, I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Kathy G said...

I think you DESERVED to go back to bed today...or at least sit on the couch and do nothing!

Val Thevictorian said...

At least ONE man apologized for waking you up. You're batting .500 so far.

SkippyMom said...

The one thing that I see missing when you relate your husband's morning sojourns is that you never seem to say anything to him. Can't you just say "Honey, can you let the dogs out. I am going to catch another 15 minutes."? Or if you are asleep when this happens, try mentioning it to him at night. He may not realize that they need to go out right away since you usually let them out. Men aren't mind readers - although we would like them to be.

I wish you a good nights sleep tonight. I do understand how hard it is to sleep through - I am a light sleeper too - but with a couple of little changes, it might work. And they are easy things.

Good luck.

Sextant said...

Sleep is so valuable that I am surprised it is not taxed. It sounds like your patience is being taxed. Time for a heart to heart with he who apparently doesn't give a damn. Hope your day went better than it started.

Mamma has spoken said...

Hope you get your car fixed soon. I couldn't handle knowing my car could or couldn't start while out and about :o/

The Good Cook said...

Someone once told me that if I couldn't sleep to get up and put socks on (to sleep in). I swear, it works.. try wearing a pair of (loose) socks to bed.


Anonymous said...

Kathy, I've been a "lurker" for a couple of years--as an rver I stumbled upon your blog and remain interested in your perspective as a campground owner/manager--Please trust me that I mean this totally to be helpful...the feelings and symptoms you describe are consistent with what the mental health professionals call major depression (as opposed to "the blues" everyone experiences some of the time)...judging from some past postings you've made, I think you probably know this, but I wanted to "label" it just in case only in an effort to try to be helpful...the point being that no matter how painful things get (and there is no greater pain than depression), it will gradually go away even if nothing is done professionally...but if you are on meds for depression/panic/anxiety, maybe they need to be increased or changed...or at least reviewed.

Again, I post this with some trepidation that it might be misinterpreted, perhaps not so much by you (though this is possible) but more likely by some commentors.

I feel your pain and this is an attempt only to be helpful. I looked for a way to send you a private e-mail (understandably there is not a link) and therefore took the risk of sending you this.
Like you, I composed an earlier comment, than deleted before sending, then decided to try to "reach out" afterall.

Remember, this will lift eventually...whether professional help is needed or not, I don't know, but take care of yourself as best you can, be patient, you will feel better eventually one way or the other.

labbie1 said...

Ditto Anonymous. Perhaps some adjustments?

Anonymous said...

Be grateful you have hard floors. If the cat has to pee on the floor, I always pray it's on the linoleum and NOT the carpeting.