Simple Cell Phones

I get my new glasses tomorrow. This is good, because I need them to see the buttons on my new cell phone.

I accidentally washed my old cell phone. The cell phone that I was used to. The cell phone that I knew how to turn on and off. I don't text. I don't want to text. I don't want to get my e-mail, I don't want to take pictures. I just want to talk on the cell phone. I don't even do a whole lot of that. I only use it when I am not in the kampground. When I go somewhere I like to have it with me in case of an emergency.

My old cell phone went through the entire wash, rinse and spin cycles. It did not survive. I had hopes for it. I left one of the house phones outside and found it weeks later in a wheel barrow full of water. I took the battery out and left it alone for a couple of weeks and decided to see if it would charge. It did and I am able to use it. I was not so lucky with my old pink cell phone with the jeweled frog on it. I liked it because it was easy to find, being hot pink with a green jeweled frog on it. Not only that, I knew how to turn it on and off.

So, he who is in charge of all things electronic ordered a new phone for me ..... and one for him. I specifically told the man I wanted a simple phone without any gee-gaws. The new phones came. Mine is purple. A deep, dignified color that looks like it belongs to an adult. His is black. This new phone has a keyboard that will pop out, sometimes quite unexpectedly. It has a touch screen that I apparently don't know how to touch properly. Of course it has a camera, I found this out quite by accident. Can I just say that I hate this phone? Hate it. When I try to answer it, I accidentally hang up. Same thing happens to he who ordered these phones, so it is not just me.

Today I took the phone from my purse and put it on the charger. I was going to go run some errands and would need to take it with me. I was all set to go and took the phone off the charger. I pressed every button on the stupid thing, but for the life of me, could not turn it on. No, I did not read the instruction volume that came with it. I don't do that. He who bought the phone is responsible for that, then relaying the information to me. This is how we do things here at the kampground.

He who loves to drive hither and thither was delivering a junk car to a scrap yard. I called him from our land line. "How do you turn this stupid cell phone on?" He proceeded to tell me how to turn it OFF. So, I repeat my request, a little louder this time and make sure to enunciate every word. Once again he tells me how to turn it off, telling me there are two ways and to pull the keyboard out and telling me that "end call" will appear on the screen. He who needs a hearing aid was really starting to annoy me. Now I shout my request and spell the word "on". I explain to him that I am calling from our land line and that the phone was on the charger and now I want to turn it on.

"You don't have to shout." Really. You heard all that and even got the whole meaning of what I shouted. Didn't really help, though. His phone has never run out of bars and never been off since we got them. I am not the only one who does not read instruction manuals. He just bumbles his way along, pretending to know what he is talking about. He is also bumbling his way along and responding to what he thinks is being said because he can't hear and won't go get a hearing aid. He wears that same sappy grin my dad has on his face when he has no idea what the conversation is about. I won't even go into the volume of the TV, but we can all assume that I will need a hearing aid, too.

I hope the hearing aid manual is easy to read and not as thick as this cell phone manual. The phone is still not on.