What Does It Mean?

Will wonders never cease ...... finally, Blogger let me on the post page!

Spring is definitely here as one day rolls into the next. Constant mowing and weeding and planting. Painting, mopping, and the never ending phone calls. Not caring what you eat and falling into bed at the end of the day completely exhausted.

"When will the pool be open?" It was 35 degrees here this morning, with a promise of highs in the lower 60's. But I answer like a robot, spouting the same information that I have relayed every Spring.
Today, though, I got a question I had yet to be asked.

Caller: I am looking at your map and I was wondering what a seasonal site means.

Me: I have been asked this before and I explain the concept and think he might understand .... maybe.

Caller: Yeah, I don't want that kind of a site. I see that some of your sites don't have sewer. What does that mean?

Me: (I am stumped, since it is self-explanatory) Well, that means there are no sewer hook-ups on those sites.

Caller: Um, yeah, but what does it mean?

Me: It means that there are water hydrants and 30 amp and 50 amp electrical hook-ups, but, no sewer hook-ups.

Caller: So, um, can I hook up to the water?

Me: (searching for the simplest words possible) Yes, you can hook up to the water and the electric, you just won't have sewer.

Caller: Um, yeah, I get that, but I am in a pop-up and it doesn't have a bathroom or anything like that, so I guess I won't need a sewer hook-up anyway.

That was the Reader's Digest condensed version. I left out the dramatic pauses and most of the "ands" and "ums". He made a reservation and I am just giddy with anticipation to make his acquaintance in person.

I was outside pulling weeds and admiring my asparagus. It dawned on me that I was hungry and I came in to make a sandwich. I remembered that I had some sliced turkey and fresh day-old bread. Fresh, because it was only a day old from the WalMart bakery. Italian with sesame seeds. But, wait, that is not all. Hellman's mayonnaise was on sale and I splurged. I love Hellman's mayonnaise. I consider it a luxury item and usually go with Great Value since I am not the one who likes sandwiches all the time.

So, now I really am giddy with anticipation. I gather all my necessities for my gourmet sandwich. The Hellman's is hidden in the back of the fridge from He Who is not a mayo connoisseur.

Brand new, never been opened. I carefully peel off the wrap that holds the package of free onion mix to the jar and discard it on the counter. I break the seal carefully, so as to enjoy spying the first view of creamy perfection .......

And the lid flips out of my hand and flies through the air as I watch along with my dogs. Toni Louise is watching closely, wondering if she should leap up and catch it in her mouth. I am yelling "Nooooooooo ....." as it falls to the floor and I push her back. Wall-E stands transfixed, because he knows full well what that word means. Oscar, the over-weight dachshund, is not one to obey commands. He is running on his short legs to claim his prize and I am determined to get there first. And, I would have, if Martha, the boy cat had not tripped me on the way.

I am trying to avoid the fall as I stumble forward just in time to see the freakishly long tongue of Oscar violate my Hellman's lid!! I am still crying "no" as I catch myself on the counter and lean down to snatch my lid away from Oscar. He is still licking his chops. I think he likes Hellman's mayonnaise, too!

I washed the lid until it squeaked and rinsed in water so hot I burned my fingers. A brand new quart, and now every time I use it I will picture Oscar's tongue cleaning the lid.