Thursday, April 25, 2013

What Does It Mean?

Will wonders never cease ...... finally, Blogger let me on the post page!

Spring is definitely here as one day rolls into the next. Constant mowing and weeding and planting. Painting, mopping, and the never ending phone calls. Not caring what you eat and falling into bed at the end of the day completely exhausted.

"When will the pool be open?" It was 35 degrees here this morning, with a promise of highs in the lower 60's. But I answer like a robot, spouting the same information that I have relayed every Spring.
Today, though, I got a question I had yet to be asked.

Caller: I am looking at your map and I was wondering what a seasonal site means.

Me: I have been asked this before and I explain the concept and think he might understand .... maybe.

Caller: Yeah, I don't want that kind of a site. I see that some of your sites don't have sewer. What does that mean?

Me: (I am stumped, since it is self-explanatory) Well, that means there are no sewer hook-ups on those sites.

Caller: Um, yeah, but what does it mean?

Me: It means that there are water hydrants and 30 amp and 50 amp electrical hook-ups, but, no sewer hook-ups.

Caller: So, um, can I hook up to the water?

Me: (searching for the simplest words possible) Yes, you can hook up to the water and the electric, you just won't have sewer.

Caller: Um, yeah, I get that, but I am in a pop-up and it doesn't have a bathroom or anything like that, so I guess I won't need a sewer hook-up anyway.

That was the Reader's Digest condensed version. I left out the dramatic pauses and most of the "ands" and "ums". He made a reservation and I am just giddy with anticipation to make his acquaintance in person.

I was outside pulling weeds and admiring my asparagus. It dawned on me that I was hungry and I came in to make a sandwich. I remembered that I had some sliced turkey and fresh day-old bread. Fresh, because it was only a day old from the WalMart bakery. Italian with sesame seeds. But, wait, that is not all. Hellman's mayonnaise was on sale and I splurged. I love Hellman's mayonnaise. I consider it a luxury item and usually go with Great Value since I am not the one who likes sandwiches all the time.

So, now I really am giddy with anticipation. I gather all my necessities for my gourmet sandwich. The Hellman's is hidden in the back of the fridge from He Who is not a mayo connoisseur.

Brand new, never been opened. I carefully peel off the wrap that holds the package of free onion mix to the jar and discard it on the counter. I break the seal carefully, so as to enjoy spying the first view of creamy perfection .......

And the lid flips out of my hand and flies through the air as I watch along with my dogs. Toni Louise is watching closely, wondering if she should leap up and catch it in her mouth. I am yelling "Nooooooooo ....." as it falls to the floor and I push her back. Wall-E stands transfixed, because he knows full well what that word means. Oscar, the over-weight dachshund, is not one to obey commands. He is running on his short legs to claim his prize and I am determined to get there first. And, I would have, if Martha, the boy cat had not tripped me on the way.

I am trying to avoid the fall as I stumble forward just in time to see the freakishly long tongue of Oscar violate my Hellman's lid!! I am still crying "no" as I catch myself on the counter and lean down to snatch my lid away from Oscar. He is still licking his chops. I think he likes Hellman's mayonnaise, too!

I washed the lid until it squeaked and rinsed in water so hot I burned my fingers. A brand new quart, and now every time I use it I will picture Oscar's tongue cleaning the lid.

9 comments:

Teri said...

Oh, but they are so cute and lovable, what would you do without them (the pets - not the customers). I'm going to work at KOA this summer, maybe we can compare notes.

Brian Miller said...

oh my...hehe...he just wanted a taste mommy...smiles....ugh on the caller...it never surprises me the stories you tell...you get all kinds though...

Mamma has spoken said...

My dogs come running every time they hear a curse word because they know most times it means food is on the floor.
I was laughing the whole time while reading about you trying to explain sewer. Next time tell him that's what your toliet is hooked up to ;o)

Joanne Noragon said...

In defense of the fellow in the pop-up: way back in the sixties I was camping with my parents in the mountains in NC and it was hotter than blazes anyway. A big sign posted on several trees in the campground said "Air conditioning $1/day extra." After a couple of days I asked my frugal mother if she would consider springing for air conditioning."My dear, that means RV's with AC units." Oh. Some of us are that dumb.

Val said...

I'm declaring your Hellmann's lid dog-germ free. Surely you're not turning into Lucy van Pelt: "Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant!"

Pat said...

I could just picture that lid flying across the room like a frisbee and those dogs rushing to catch it! Pretty funny! I am sure the lid is cleaner than it started!

Welcome to the 2013 camping season! Maybe that caller is a newbie? If so, it will be interesting to see him pull in with his pop-up! ;)

ellen abbott said...

you let those dogs lick your face, don't you? and maybe the camper thought you had a sewer running through your other sites so no sewer would be a good thing.

Linda O'Connell said...

I can't stop laughing. Funny!!!

Practical Parsimony said...

Well, I love Miracle Whip and despise any kind of Mayo, however, I can just feel what you felt about the violation of the lid. ugh I would have just used a piece of Glad Wrap from then on!