He Who Annoys

I can't seem to train my husband. For nearly 40 years I have tried. It is the simple things that will drive one crazy ...... and I know crazy!

First impressions are important. Everybody knows that, don't they? With that very simple theory in mind, I always try to keep the store/office neat and tidy ....... well, except my desk, but you really don't see it unless you venture around the counter. Unless you are my friend or a brave and crazy person you stay on the other side of the counter.

Last year when I added more retail space by denying myself a living room, I asked He Who Electrifies to add more lighting to that space, while not eliminating the ceiling fan. I didn't want to stick another window unit in that room and the fan will keep the air circulating enough to avoid that. The fan has no light kit. I asked He Who Knows Electric Things if we could simply add one. No. He even said it with authority, as if he had actually LOOKED at the thing. Okay, that not being an option (he said), I suggested two 4' fluorescent fixtures on either side of the ceiling fan ....... beyond the blades of the fan. I stood under the locations I wanted and pointed to them and He Who Would Appear To Be Listening nodded.

A month or so later, after much nagging and while I was away from the store on an errand, He Who Is Not Afraid Of Live Wires, installed one 4' bank of lights. Snug up to the ceiling fan, not where I had indicated with my pointy finger. I turned my new light on and was quickly disoriented by the strobe light effect that resulted. You can have the light on, or you can have the fan on, but not both. I want to highlight merchandise for sale, not disco dance.

Recently, while on a cleaning binge, I discovered a ceiling light, with a light kit attached. No blades. I save things, just in case. So, I presented my find to He Who would have disposed of my treasure. I suggested that he use the blades on the fan with no light kit and remove the 4' strobe maker. Did he do this? No, he did not. He climbed my handy dandy step stool and he determined that the blades would not fit the new fixture. Then he tried to detach the light kit to attach it to the existing ceiling fan and determined that it didn't work either. Then he went and purchased a new fan (without first consulting me).

He proclaims that this new ceiling fan has blades longer that the old one. It was still in the box and I could see right away that he was so very wrong about that. I commented that he was in error, unless said blades were hinged and folded in half in that little box he had. So, He took the old blades and was going to use them ....... but the screw holes didn't line up (the same problem with my found treasure that was absolutely free). So, once again, while the voice of reason (me) was absent he drilled new holes in the old blades to make it work, then took one outside to spray paint it (I had painted it black), since the new fixture was white and not black. Yellow. Bright yellow.

I can work with yellow, I like yellow. It catches the eye and draws you in. It is a retail space, not my home. But, it gets better. He painted it while the wind was tunneling along at what had to be a record setting day. The paint, on the surface that he had not sanded or prepped in any way sort of bubbled into waves. He did quit after that one blade, and I can fix it. He has been previously banned from painting. I do all the signs, etc. I suppose he thought that rule did not apply to spray cans of paint, since he does mark the dead trees that need to come down.

You may be thinking that all this is why I am annoyed. It's not. I am annoyed because it has been over a week and he still has not finished this project of his. The found fan kit lays on a table with parts and wires dangling, the box and packing from his new drill (he broke his old one and I don't mean anything mechanical ....... he broke the housing!) are all still as he left them in the store, hither and thither. The table under the ceiling fan has all manner of tools and wires and pieces of this and that on it.

I must go now and tidy this area, just in case we have a customer enter in and have this first impression. I would be embarrassed. He knows this. He knows I will tidy it up. And that really annoys me. What he doesn't know is that I would have simply drilled the holes and fit the old blades to the found fixture and put it up instead of buying a new fan. These things really annoy me. You would think I would give up on that training thing after nearly 40 years.