The Crazy Lady

 Cujo here. My mom is not feeling well today. I confess that I like it when she is not up and about. She is sitting next to me and the rest of my pack. 

I was just taking a stroll down memory lane. I have been told that I should be taking a brisk walk around the park. My mom says that her back is out of whack from picking me up. She says I am fat and heavy. I heard Dad say I was shaped more like a propane tank than a hotdog. This is insulting! 

I am old and set in my ways. I am not sure just how old I am. I didn't always live here with my mom. I do remember the day I found her, though. 

I started my life in a puppy mill. My owner was a hoarder of dogs like me. As I recall, there were a lot of us. So many that you had to fight to get enough food. One day some people in authority came and took all of us dogs away. There were men with jackets and hats on and I was scared out of my wits!

These men chased us and then tried to grab us. This did not go well for either group. I am a dachshund, you know, and we will attack if provoked. I ran and hid, but they eventually cornered me and threw a sack over my head. I tried my best to bite and I think I may have caused some injury, though not substantial enough to let me loose.

We were shoved into cages and taken to a facility. Vets checked us out and gave shots to each and every one of us. I do not like vets! After that we were displayed in cages like zoo animals. It was humiliating! After a time, people adopted us one by one. It was strange to not be with all the dogs I had grown up with.

A man chose me one day. He drove a giant truck and told me that I was to be his new companion. I did not want to be his companion, I do not like men! He wore a hat and a coat, just like the men who chased me down and captured me. I was not nice to this man. I refused all of his attempts to befriend me. He finally gave up and asked a family that he knew to take me. They did, but I could tell they weren't excited to have me. They were nice enough, but they didn't really love me.

One day we all got into their car. I heard them say they were going swimming. Swimming? I don't swim. I have no desire to be dumped into a vat of cold water!! I sat in the back seat with the children and listened to them talk about a crazy lady. They said she was crazy about wiener dogs. Is that what they think I am?

We finally arrived at this camp ground and the mother of the family grabbed me and took me inside the office with her. Let me tell you, I was not happy about this turn of events. I could tell that something big was about to happen. The woman holding me went up to the check-in counter and said this: "My cousin got this wiener dog to ride along with him in his truck, but the dog don't like him. We took him, but we don't really want him. He has something wrong with his belly and we don't want to have to pay to have it fixed. I know you love wiener dogs, do you want him?" Whoa, wait a minute here! They took me, but they didn't want me? Who does that!

The crazy lady said that she had just lost her little Emmy and wasn't sure she was ready for a new dog. Okay, how did she lose little Emmy? Do I really want to know? Things are getting strange. The lady holding me said. "Well, I'll just leave him in the car while we swim." What is wrong with this woman? Leave me in a hot car, I could die!!

Next thing I knew was that I was being snatched from that woman's arms by the crazy lady. "You cannot leave him in a hot car! He will stay with me while you swim!" She sat down in her chair and started talking to me. To me, not about me. She told me not to worry, she would take good care of me. I think I like this crazy lady!

She sniffed my head and told me that I needed a bath and then she asked me if the people in that family were smokers. I wanted to tell her that they were and that I did not like it, but she could smell it. She took me into her house and grabbed a towel (she called it a dog towel) and some dog shampoo and proceeded to soak me in warm water! So, this was a bath, I thought to myself! She rubbed that shampoo into my fur and then she rinsed me and dried me. This all happened so fast that I didn't have time to object. She talked to me the entire time. She told me that she would take me to live in her house if I passed a test.

A test? I am no longer a puppy, but I have never had a test. What, I wondered, was a test? Like everything she had done so far, this happened really fast. She opened another door that led to a big fenced in yard and three other dogs came running in! She called out for a dog named Oscar.

She introduced me to this dog by the name of Oscar. He was a dachshund, like me. He was stunningly handsome with his black fur with touches of tan. I am red. Just red. This dog named Oscar had a regal stance. He came over to the crazy lady and she told him all about me, even the part about the people wanting to leave me in a car! She then put me on the floor in front of Oscar. He sniffed me thoroughly, barked very loud, then wagged his tail. The crazy lady clapped her hands!

She told me I had passed this test and that I was going to be one of her dogs. Then she introduced me to a white funny looking dog by the name of Wall-E. He was very timid and I liked him immediately. He told me later that the crazy lady was his Gramma and that she was not really crazy, she just loved dogs.

The girl dog, Toni Louise, was more cautious. The crazy lady told me she would come around and not to worry about it. We went back into the office and I sat in her lap while she checked customers in. The swimming people who were going to leave me in the car came in. She told them she wanted me. That is when they asked for money! The crazy lady gave them $50 and free swimming for the rest of the season. Later she told me she would have given them more, because there was no way she was going to let them take me back!

She put me on the floor and I walked over to the family that never really wanted me and just looked at them before I turned around and came back to  my new mom and put my feet on her knees to be picked up. That is how I came to live here with my mom, who is crazy about all of us dogs!